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21 Things You'll Only Get If You're From A Hot Country And Live In Scotland

You'll never take summer for granted again.

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1. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, you refuse to accept that midges can be as bad as mosquitoes.

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And even when a swarm of those persistent little shites makes you want to scratch your own head off, you'll never admit it.

2. You expect a sparkling loch on a boiling hot day to feel as inviting as it looks.

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Then you jump in and discover that it’s so bloody icy that you feel like you've been winded and/or rendered infertile.

3. And your first swim in a public pool freaks you out because it’s got a roof and smells like a chemistry lab.

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On the plus side, if you do manage to get used to the smell, for the first time in your life you’ll be one of the strongest swimmers.

4. You still expect to find huge, fuck-off insects lurking behind every picture, and in every corner.

You feel like a superhero every time you take a picture off a wall, despite the fact you know there won't be anything poisonous or bitey behind it.


5. And it's a revelation to find that you can skip around in the countryside without a care in the world.

Because there (probably) won't be any dangerous snakes or poisonous creatures lurking under every rock and in every dark crevice.

6. Your new Scottish friends expect you to be the one who rescues spiders from the bath.

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You know this is probably your fault because you never stop bragging about how you’re used to much more terrifying arachnids than these tiny little Scottish beasties, but you still lightly shit yourself whenever you have to do it.

7. You miss the smell of rain on hot earth so much it hurts.

To the extent that whenever it starts pissing it down after a rare dry spell in Scotland, the divine scent makes you so suddenly and dramatically homesick you worry that you might burst into tears.

8. And the rain reduces you to tears for other reasons too. / Creative Commons

You used to think you could wait indoors until the rain stopped. Then everyone laughed, and you realised if you took this approach you'd never go outside.


9. You relate far too hard to animals from hot countries in cold Scottish zoos.

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You feel seriously sorry for them, and start wondering whether knitting bespoke woollies for them all is a realistic solution.

10. But it's a thrill to meet real Scottish wildlife that you've only seen on postcards in the past.

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It turns out that many of them are ginger.

11. And you actually get to play with snow on a regular basis.

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And it's brilliant. It's so, so brilliant! You can't wait to show your friends back home. If only you could pack it into a suitcase and take it with you.

12. You also discover how heartbreakingly beautiful Scotland can be in winter. / Creative Commons

Especially when the Christmas bling comes out, and you've had a sip of mulled wine. It actually looks like the Christmasses you saw on TV as a kid.


13. You used to think that a few more layers of your normal clothing was all you needed in winter.

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But you soon found out that for that to work, you'd have to get so layered up that you wouldn't be able to walk, move, or touch your toes.

14. And you truly appreciate duvets for the first time in your life.

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In fact, you develop such a strong relationship with this warm, cuddly protector that it's like a new lover, and you can't bear to be apart for more than a few hours.

15. But the cold isn't the worst thing; it's the wind that really pisses you off.

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You can deal with the cold, but how on Earth are you supposed to enjoy all the gorgeous scenery when its always obscured by a dancing layer of hair?

16. You think icy ground looks really pretty from a distance.

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Then you slip on it, hurt your knees, destroy your dignity, and, like generations of Scots before you, write a furious letter to the council about the lack of road gritters. How does ice manage to catch them out every year? FFS.


17. You spend so long in botanical gardens' hot houses that people start thinking you work there.

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You love Scotland, but the floral smells, warmth, and humidity remind you of home. Plus, the glass gives you a temporary break from the CONSTANT WIND.

18. Your relatives don't believe you about the weather.

They always insist on visiting at the coldest times of the year, and at least one of the adult men will have failed to pack long trousers. They'll also refuse to admit they made a mistake, everyone will stare, and they will get hypothermia.

20. You also learn the joys of a cosy pub on a cold day.

You soon find yourself getting a bit misty-eyed about the warm glow, the twinkles, the whisky, and the friendliness.