2 quarts, water
1 ham, canned
Bring water to a boil. Drop ham in. Tasting periodically, let cook until the water has a smack of ham to it.
3 egg whites
2 egg yolks
2 cups, corn kernels
1/4 cup, self-rising flour
salt and pepper for seasoning
Mix egg yolks, corn kernels, and flour, adding a dash of salt and or pepper for seasoning (if you’re into that kind of thing). Add egg whites and roll those puppies into balls, about one-inch in diameter. Toss the balls into your Cornballer (Mexico only) or a deep fryer. Once balls are browned, remove from heat CAUTIOUSLY. Or else.
Squirt a packet of mayonnaise into your mouth. Add egg (not that Egg) and just kind of… mmmmm.
1 1/2lbs., beef sausage
1 (.75oz.) packet dry brown gravy mix
1 teaspoon, butter
Preheat oven to 350 degrees (175 degrees C for those of us who don’t call it “sausage in the mouth”). Place the sausage in a large skillet over medium heat. Once cooked through, remove bangers from skillet and set aside. Take the butter and add it to the pan, along with gravy mix (and water, as directed). Simmer and stir. Once you’ve got a hearty gravy, pour that sweet stuff into a square casserole dish and place sausages in a layer over it. Put the Bangers in the Oven and bake, uncovered, for 20 minutes.
A bone with plenty of meat on it
Throw bone in a pot. Add some broth, a potato—Baby, you got a stew going!
8 bananas (peeled, you idiot)
8 popsicle sticks
32oz. semisweet chocolate
4 tablespoons, unsalted butter
Cut one-inch off the end of each banana and insert popsicle stick. Line a sheet pan with wax paper, place bananas on it and freeze for one hour. In a bowl, mix chocolate and butter, melting over a saucepan of simmering water. Once sufficiently melted, take one banana at a time and dip into the chocolate. Return to the freezer. There’s always money in the banana stand, but let’s hope there isn’t in your bananas.
1 1/2oz. Cloudmir Vodka (or whatever’s around)
3/4oz. dry vermouth
Add ice, vodka, and vermouth to a shaker. Shake. Strain into a cocktail glass, garnish with an olive (or toast if it’s 8am) and serve.
Something from every dish on the menu.
Do NOT order the Skip’s Scramble.