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21 Tweets That Just Completely Sum Up Parenting

"The husband has our four year old convinced that he has laser eyes..."

1. Child-rearing. It's an epic battle for the ages. (And that's just between the parents.)

I try to explain where milk comes from, husband instantly finds applicable #YouTube video for preschoolers lol. #parenting w #technology

2. But it's crucial that you put aside your differences if you're going to outmanoeuvre a toddler.

It's come to this: Three adults negotiating with a toddler to put on shoes.

3. Because when you expect them to zig, they will most definitely zag.

Kids in bed and I was enjoying a quiet bubble bath. Until I shut off the water and hear what sounds like Jumanji happening in my living room

4. If you want to get something by them, you'll need to be creative.

Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.

5. You'll need to think outside the box.

Me: I made pork. 3yo: I don't like pork. Me: It's chicken. 3yo: Oh, yeah, I like that kind of chicken. #Parenting #PickyEater #Win

6. Just, for the love of god, don't let your guard down. They can smell weakness (aka sleepiness).

Never, & I mean NEVER make eye contact with a child on the verge of falling asleep.They will sense your excitement & abort mission! #momlife

7. This parent has the right idea:

The husband has our four year old convinced that he has laser eyes. #parentinghumor #ParentingDoneRight

8. Adaptability is a useful trait to have...

"DON'T PUT YOUR FACE IN OTHER PEOPLE'S BUTTS!!" Actual thing I just said to one of my children. More than once.

9. is "knowing when you're in the wrong".

An easy way to explain parenting is like when my toddler asks for a bubble bath and then screams because her bubble bath is too bubbly.

10. But it all helps give you some pretty valuable perspective.

Just realized all 5 members of my family actually bathed today. Don't worry, I'll still remember you all now that I'm all fancy schmancy.

11. Who needs sudoku when you've got this mental workout happening?

5yo: Can I have some banana pudding? *orders banana pudding and takes one bite* 5yo: I don't like it because it has banana in it.

12. A new meaning to the concept of exploiting loopholes:

Did you hit your brother? 5yo: Nope. I danced around him growling in his face! So that'll be war dances added to list of things we don't do

13. And a perfect rebuttal to the concept of honesty being the best policy:

Scariest thing you can hear from a 4yo is a completely unsolicited, "I did not poop my pants."

14. Good communication is the key to any healthy relationship.

"I *AM* CALMER NOW!!!!" my 4yo is screaming, so loudly I can hear him outside w/all our windows closed.

15. See? Zagging when they expect you to zig.

When your son offers you some of his snack then goes mental when you accept it and eat it. #parentingproblems

16. Or zigging when they expect you to zag – one or the other.

2yo: Help me! Me: You need help? Can I help you? 2yo: No! I do it myself. Repeat ad infinitum. #momlife #toddlerlogic #toddlerproblems

17. You can't really argue with this:

Took 4 to a babyshower. She told me that babies dont take showers, they take baths. So-we were going to a baby bath. #toddlerlogic #giggle

18. Joyful, boisterous, and full of great ideas they won't be able to remember come morning.

Living with a toddler is like living with a permanent drunk person #parenting #parentfail #parents #toddlerproblems

19. But ultimately you just have to accept they're working on a different intellectual level.

my three year old is completely offended that she wasn't invited to my wedding eight years before she was born. #toddlerproblems

20. Because we all know who's really the boss around here...

Lunch with a 2 yo. She just told the table next to us "shhh! Too loud!" Heaven help me. #toddlerproblems #momlife #atxfriday

21. ...and that means top of the food chain, too!

currently hiding in my room eating a cupcake so I don't have to share with my 4yo. #parenting

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