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Are You A Garbage Mom?

It's chaos out there.

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  1. BuzzFeed
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    I reach for the cocktail menu and let chaos reign. 
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    iPads for everyone! 
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    Kids will be kids and restaurants are public spaces. It’s up to the other patrons to deal. 
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    Be hyper-attentive to everyone’s needs so everyone behaves and nobody sees how stressed I am and then, later tonight, I’m going to drink more than one martini while I binge watch Hulu. 
  2. Kirby Darland
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    Oh crap. That’s today? 
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    Kids wouldn’t stop fighting in the car so I yelled “party’s cancelled” and now we’re at home. 
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    Sophia’s parents are garbage people. No thanks. 
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    We’re coming! Just parked! Forgot her gift and had to head back. Did we miss cake? We missed cake, didn’t we? 
  3. Kirby Darland
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    Because I’m drunk at 9:30 AM? It’s a PLANE, people, it doesn’t count.
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    I assume it’s because I’m letting my kids play the harmonica and run around in the aisles.
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    Oh no, were the apology gift bags not up to their standards?
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    Not my problem. We all gotta get through this together. 
  4. Kirby Darland
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    I have been drinking. 
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    I bought $240 worth of hand sanitizer.
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    I haven’t. Not sure I ever will. 
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    Just another garbage day in the life of Garbage Mom. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 
  5. Kirby Darland
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    My kid wore a controversial shirt and I guess someone had a problem with it. 
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    Um, have you MET my nightmare kids? 
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    I might have had a bit of a meltdown. This one’s on me. The kids were fine. 
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    Ugh, who knows. Everything is chaos. 
  6. Kirby Darland
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    My kid pushed her kid. 
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    My kid swore in front of everyone. 
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    I swore in front of everyone. 
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    Because she’s a monster who needs to mind her own damn business. 
  7. Kirby Darland
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    I’ve already heard this story 10,000 times. 
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    Because I’m out of ways to say, “no you can’t have that” and don’t want to yell in this grocery store. 
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    Because there’s some pretty important stuff happening on social media right now. 
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    I’m retreating to a quiet inner place where no chaos can harm me. BRB. 
  8. Kirby Darland
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    I'm "the one that's got her shit together." (Because I’ve fooled them all.) 
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    I'm obvs "the wierd one." 
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    I'm "that mom who’s bravely just barely holding it all together." 
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    Hopefully they have no idea who I am. I try to stay away from those people.
  9. Kirby Darland
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