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24 Things Only Alen Kalati's Kids Would Understand

The coolest dad around.

1. You can't take a walk without discovering a new species of mushroom.

2. There is a minimum of four trips to Costco a week.

3. Every so often Costco changes its return policy or doesn't allow Aba to do something illegal or something.

Then it's time for a dramatic breakup and a rebound fling with Sam's Club or Restaurant Depot before the inevitable return.

4. If you want to watch a movie with him, don’t try asking the title or what it’s about.

But don't worry- you've probably seen all the scenes in clips that he's shown you over the years.

5. And definitely don’t say you don’t feel like watching it, because then you’ll get passive aggressive reminders about it until you give in.

Then half an hour into watching it, he'll fall asleep.

6. You know all the lyrics to the “Heart” video, everything that happens in the video, and every comment that is made throughout it.

Now that's how you unpack a suitcase!

7. Aba has a lot of crazy ideas.


Crazy GOOD ideas, that is. Like Hybrogen, his new diet, or the physics idea that took him to CERN.

8. But his best ideas, of course, are his jokes.

We're just holding ourselves not to laugh.

9. Aba takes pictures and videos of every single second in our lives.


Which allows us to remember every good memory and cute thing we ever did.

10. On the less bright side, every one of those memories is on Facebook.

11. Aba can’t remember anything. He didn’t even know it was Father’s Day today.

12. There are two versions to every song we heard in our childhood- the real version, and the Aba version.


Honey bunny, money money…

13. The golden rule: if it’s free, you must have it.

The cheaper something is, the better it is. And the cheapest price of all is free.

14. This especially goes for free samples.

15. Aba doesn’t care about material goods. He likes the simpler things in life, like gardening.

16. That is, unless those material goods are free. See #13.

17. When we feed Aba our food scraps, people think we’re being cruel or abusive.

They don't understand that those are OBVIOUSLY the best parts.

18. When Aba really likes a song, there’s a very good chance it’s from a movie or TV show.

If it's not, you can bet there's a story about how he first heard it in his teenage years, and you'll hear that story sooner or later.

19. Another thing Aba gets from movies are his hilarious jokes.

Unrelated gif of Forrest Gump on his boat.

20. When Aba leaves the house, even just to deliver a package, there’s at least three returns- he forgot to get his purse, he forgot to get his phone, he forgot to get the package he’s delivering.

21. Aba loves being the center of attention. Which is a good thing if you like magic shows!

Habaji babaji!

22. Bedtime stories are one of Aba’s many talents.

That, and "being funny."

23. Despite all his crazy eccentricities, Aba is the best dad ever and we will always love him.

24. Wait- Aba- you didn’t skip to the end, did you? This isn’t a song or a movie, you know. You can’t skip the boring parts.

Ugh. I can't believe you, Aba!

(Just kidding. Happy Father's Day!)

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