1. Store displays are out to get you.
2. You can't be trusted with anything that is made of glass or is at all breakable.
3. You rely on tiny little baby steps any time you have to carry something even remotely valuable.
4. "You break it, you buy it" has been a very real threat in your life.
5. You only have a new phone for a day or two before it looks like this.
6. You are usually the reason people say things like, "This is why we can't have nice things."
7. And god forbid someone put you anywhere near a baby.
8. You don't trust yourself to drink wine or coffee on a friend's couch. Or near a rug.
9. In fact, you've dropped so many things you feel as though your life is one long infomercial.
10. You basically have the eating skills of a toddler, so you have stains on most of your clothes.
11. You are a danger to yourself and those around you when you wield any heavy objects.
12. You hate being in the spotlight because you know there's a 99% chance you will fall down.
13. Any time you've ever had to walk in front of people — at graduation, your wedding, who knows! — you've been overcome by a fear of tripping.
14. Because you possess the unique ability to trip over a completely flat surface!
15. In school, gym was an actual nightmare.
16. You knew exactly how to position yourself so that you had ZERO chance of being near a ball.
17. Your hand-eye coordination leaves much to be desired, so any situation involving kicking, or catching, or hitting was enough to send you into cold sweats.
18. When friends suggest a low-pressure game of beach volleyball or football you are thrown into a mild panic.
19. Your exercise regiment can't involve anything too advanced.
20. You've probably fallen down stairs.
21. You've definitely walked into a door.
22. Sometimes you fear your anger or passion is undercut by your clumsiness.
23. Flirting or ~natural grace~ isn't exactly your specialty.
24. You've come to terms with the fact that you will just never master ~chill~.
25. You've described yourself as "accident prone."
26. If you haven't broken a bone or gotten at least a few stitches, it is a goddamn miracle.
27. Ice is not your friend.
28. Snow is not your friend.
29. High heels DEFINITELY are not your friend.
30. But it's all good! It's just part of your undeniable charm.
