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56 Surprisingly Perfect Metaphors For Your Laziness

Feel free to use these when too lazy to make up your own.

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1. A sack of potatoes

2. A bowl of cream of wheat that's settled into a thick film

3. The moldy cheese at the bottom of the refrigerator drawer

4. Nachos that sat out for too long so that the cheese congealed, and when you try to take one chip, 15 other chips come with it, and there's no physical way to separate them so you're stuck with 15 chips covered in cold, hard cheese

5. A meal that consists of nothing but condiments

6. A ziplock bag of ketchup packets from leftover fast food

7. Peanut butter that's at the very bottom of the jar, that's gotten a little bit hard and you can't scoop it out without getting peanut butter on your hands

8. A handful of semisweet chocolate baking chips as dessert

9. Cookie dough that never makes it to actual cookies

10. A solo bread butt in the fridge


11. Easy Mac in a coffee mug

12. Any meal in a coffee mug

13. A mug of coffee from the morning reheated hours later in a microwave

14. Mismatched dirty socks

15. A bra that has gone unwashed for five months

16. Period underwear turned inside out

17. Glasses held together by tape

18. An outdated glasses prescription that you keep wearing even though you can't see anything

19. Advil that expired in 2002

20. Kleenex as makeshift toilet paper

21. Free Estee Lauder beauty samples in the corner of the medicine cabinet

22. A drip from a faucet that you keep thinking has stopped but hasn't

23. Pen caps that have long lost their mates

24. Wilted grass that's sat under a potted plant too long

25. A dust bunny you glance at a few feet away every time you watch TV, but never touch

26. A text message that just says "K"

27. Matthew McConaughey's voice

28. Pennies

29. Those pincer things people use to grab their beer or whatever off the coffee table because they don't want to sit up

30. The typo you noticed before sending but then were like eh, whatever

31. A liquid hand soap bottle that just keeps getting refilled with water

32. The bathroom at a single dude's apartment

33. Second-day mascara

34. A clown that didn't feel like washing off his clown makeup and then wears smudged second-day clown makeup to his day job in marketing. And his coworkers are like "Are you feeling OK, Randy?" And he's like "What are you talking about?" And then he has to have an uncomfortable meeting with his boss about what's "work-appropriate."

35. Dry shampoo

36. A snail riding a sloth

37. A sloth on horse tranquilizers

38. Roly-poly bugs

39. An elderly tortoise

40. A fireplace that probably has a dead bat in there but no one's ever gonna look

41. A bed with no sheets that gets slept on anyway AND it's just a mattress on the floor with no frame

42. Pants with a hole in the crotch

43. Pants that are too tight and look kind of bad but you put in all that effort to put them on so might as well wear them.

44. That weird jumpsuit in the back of your closet that you might wear one day

45. The dusty panini maker on top of the refrigerator

46. That fancy necklace from the movie Titanic now sitting at the bottom of the ocean forever

47. A remote that's out of reach and therefore guarantees that you're watching a Law & Order marathon regardless of whether or not you want to

48. A Law & Order marathon

49. A pile of takeout napkins that could come in handy at some point in the distant future

50. A Christmas tree that's up in February

51. "HBD"

52. Not peeing even though you have to pee because you'd have to get up

53. Considering peeing in something in your room instead of going all the way to the bathroom

54. The clock that never got updated for Daylight Savings Time, and now it's got the right time again

55. Copy/paste

56. Uncrustables


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