1.There is literally nothing more alarming than getting a phone call.
2.The sound is so foreign, and immediately you worry because, what could be so important that it can't be said in text???!?!
3.For the first few rings you're frozen in fear and confusion, trying to decide whether you'll pick up.
4.If it's a member of your family that you don't speak to often, clearly someone is dead.
5.If it's an unknown number, they probably want money.
6.But what if it's a long lost friend?? Or a secret admirer???
7.And if it's your boss, then I'm sorry, but you are 100% fired.
8.Despite these fears, you decide to answer because the only thing worse than a phone call is a voicemail.
9.But then, perhaps worst of all, the caller says they "just wanted to say hey."
10.So your mouth goes dry because what are you going to talk about?
11.And you definitely have to be moving. Talking on the phone while sitting still is an absolute impossibility, so it's time to start pacing your apartment.
12.Even if it's your best friend in the world you are still in a constant cold sweat anticipating brief moments of silence.
13.Or worse, that thing where the two of you go to say something at once and you're both like, "Haha you go. Ahhh no ok YOU go."
14.Or EVEN WORSE you just won't be able to hear them, because service is bad! And you'll just have to keep asking them to repeat themselves until you decide to pretend you heard them and hope "yeah" is an appropriate response.
15.OR the call could just drop!!! And you'll both try to simultaneously call each other back, resulting in three minutes of going directly to voicemail.
16.No fewer than a million things can go wrong in a telephone conversation and the fact that people continue to make them is baffling.
17.We know that texting exists, right? And it allows you to craft perfect responses at your convenience?
18.(And don't get me started on Facetime. WHERE DO YOU LOOK?!)
19.So you come up with a believable reason for why you have to go when you actually cannot take it anymore, and hope that it isn't too abrupt.
20.You hang up, settle down, and think, "It actually was pretty nice to hear [so-and-so]'s voice. Phone calls aren't so bad!"