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51 Times Brennan Did Not Approve On "Bones"

She is not impressed, everyone. Not. Im. Pressed.

FOX

From Season 2’s “The Boneless Bride in the River,” when there are no bones in a victim.

With the impossibly knowledgeable and guilelessly arrogant polymath Dr. Temperance “Bones” Brennan as its main character, Bones spends a lot of time letting its heroine judge the just-average people around her. The big-eyed Brennan, played by Emily Deschanel, has been scoffing on Fox for nine seasons, and she’s got a lot of disapproval hot buttons, as catalogued below. Bones is the unsung shade queen of network television.

Never change, Bones. Never change.

When someone doesn’t understand science as well as she does…

1.
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Season 2, Episode 1, “The Titan on the Tracks”
Target of judgment: Booth says, “Nothing says junkie like your gonad’s axis.” He means the hypothalamic–pituitary–gonadal axis. Doofus.

2.
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Season 1, Episode 1, “Pilot”
Target of judgment: Bones is detained for having a human skull in her suitcase because goofball airport security does not understand what forensic anthropology is.

3.
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Season 6, Episode 12, “The Sin in the Sisterhood”
Target of judgment: Booth says Brennan’s car is smarter than their victim. He is wrong, because of ANTHROPOLOGY.

4.
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Season 3, Episode 10, “The Man in the Mud”
Target of judgment: A law enforcement officer questions whether Brennan is serious about needing to examine the mud in which a body was found. Her response: “Serious as a gas attack.”

5.
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Season 1, Episode 3, “A Boy in a Tree”
Target of judgment: Booth suggests a victim had “Venezuelan brittle bone syndrome.” He made up this condition.

When someone behaves illogically…

6.
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Season 3, Episode 9, “The Santa in the Slush”
Target of judgment: Booth says “skeletons and Christmas do not mix.”

7.
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Season 2, Episode 13, “The Girl in the Gator”
Target of judgment: Booth shoots at an ice cream truck. Not good.

8.
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Season 2, Episode 15, “Bodies in the Book”
Target of judgment: Brennan’s wack fan says wack things that aren’t true. It’s super wack.

9.
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Season 1, Episode 9, “The Man in the Fallout Shelter”
Target of judgment: Booth doesn’t understand Brennan’s need to make unbiased initial observations. Of course she doesn’t look in the victim’s suitcase before she makes her initial observations! What does he want? Biased initial observations?

10.
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Season 1, Episode 17, “The Skull in the Desert”
Target of judgment: Booth says something that seems irrelevant to the investigation at hand.

11.
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Season 6, Episode 14, “The Bikini in the Soup”
Target of judgment: Hodgins says Valentine’s Day is a special day.

12.
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Season 2, Episode 5, “The Truth in the Lye”
Target of judgment: Booth tells Brennan his ex didn’t want to marry him when she got pregnant because she wanted to start a career and go to graduate school while raising their child alone. Brennan does not understand her logic.

13.
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Season 8, Episode 5, “The Method in the Madness”
Target of judgment: A belligerent butcher is brandishing a large cleaver.

14.
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Season 1, Episode 7, “A Man on Death Row”
Target of judgment: Bones is applying for permission to carry a gun on the job. There’s bureaucratic nonsense involved.

15.
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Season 5, Episode 7, “The Dwarf in the Dirt”
Target of judgment: Booth suggests that Brennan may be examining a leprechaun. She is not examining a leprechaun.

When someone shows illogical cowardice…

16.
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Season 1, Episode 16, “The Woman in the Tunnel”
Target of judgment: Zack is afraid of heights.

17.
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Season 4, Episode 19, “The Science in the Physicist”
Target of judgment: Booth overreacts to sitting in a formerly radioactive chair. It is not radioactive anymore, so he is upset about sitting in a non-radioactive chair.

When someone assumes something…

18.
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Season 5, Episode 3, “The Plain in the Prodigy”
Target of judgment: Booth jumps to a conclusion about cause of death. It is too early to draw conclusions.

19.
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Season 1, Episode 21, “The Soldier on the Grave”
Target of judgment: Booth jumps to a conclusion about cause of death. It is too early to draw conclusions.

When someone believes in religion…

20.
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Season 9, Episode 17, “The Repo Man in the Septic Tank”
Target of judgment: Booth wants Christine to go to church. Brennan thinks Jesus is the equivalent of Superman.

21.
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Season 9, Episode 9, “The Fury in the Jury”
Target of judgment: Brennan’s fellow juror, a priest, says God will protect them. Brennan does not agree.

22.
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Season 2, Episode 9, “Aliens in a Spaceship”
Target of judgment: Booth suggests that Brennan pray. Praying is not really her scene.

When someone reminds Brennan she’s not in charge, even though she is clearly the smartest person in the vicinity…

23.
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Season 2, Episode 2, “Mother and Child in the Bay”
Target of judgment: Cam asserts her dominance over Brennan.

24.
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Season 2, Episode 6, “The Girl in Suite 2103”
Target of judgment: Cam asserts her dominance over Brennan.

When someone makes a disdainful and/or impenetrable cultural reference…

25.
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Season 1, Episode 10, “The Woman at the Airport”
Target of judgment: Zack tells Bones that in L.A., there’s a contest to see how many celebrities you spot.

26.
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Season 6, Episode 16, “The Blackout in the Blizzard”
Target of judgment: Booth begins singing in public about sports.

27.
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Season 1, Episode 12, “The Superhero in the Alley”
Target of judgment: Zack tells Bones he fantasizes about having superpowers. She thinks this is strange, because he is an intelligent person.

28.
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Season 5, Episode 12, “The Proof in the Pudding.”
Target of judgment: Booth dances like Michael Jackson. She has never heard of him or his hip maneuvers.

29.
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Season 1, Episode 18, “The Man with the Bone”
Target of judgment: Hodgins and Booth are excited by the word “pirates.”

30.
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Season 8, Episode 8, “The But in the Joke”
Target of judgment: Booth says cowboys settled America. This is false.

When someone insults Brennan…

31.
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Season 2, Episode 18, “The Killer in the Concrete”
Target of judgment: Booth is being sassy.

32.
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Season 1, Episode 14, “The Man on the Fairway”
Target of judgment: Angela implies that Brennan is naive.

33.
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Season 8, Episode 2, “The Partners in the Divorce”
Target of judgment: Booth tells Bones she is not a reassuring person. Possibly because Booth can’t handle the TRUTH.

34.
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Season 7, Episode 9, “The Don’t in the Do”
Target of judgment: Booth gets Cam to tell Brennan she looks pretty. Brennan knows immediately that this is a coerced compliment.

35.
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Season 7, Episode 11, “The Family in the Feud”
Target of judgment: Booth says their infant daughter was expelled from daycare because of Brennan. Brennan does not agree.

36.
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Season 4, Episode 14, “The Hero in the Hold”
Target of judgment: A U.S. attorney accuses Brennan of stealing evidence.

When a terrible person says things…

37.
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Season 2, Episode 7, “The Girl with the Curl”
Target of judgment: A pageant mom says things to Bones.

When someone makes an inappropriate comment…

38.
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Season 4, Episode 6, “The Crank in the Shaft”
Target of judgment: Booth describes the effects of two Blue Hawaiians, which, he says, include public nudity.

39.
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Season 5, Episode 4, “The Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood”
Target of judgment: Booth says Arastoo’s accent is “thicker than Achmed the rug merchant.” Everyone join in side-eye.

40.
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Season 4, Episode 17, “The Salt in the Wounds”
Target of judgment: Hodgins makes an ill-timed joke.

41.
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Season 4, Episode 3, “Man in the Outhouse”
Target of judgment: Sweets tells Bones she’s hot.

When a psychologist says something…

42.
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Season 3, Episode 4, “The Secret in the Soil”
Target of judgment: Sweets talks about psychology.

43.
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Season 5, Episode 2, “The Bond in the Boot”
Target of judgment: Sweets talks about psychology.

44.
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Season 4, Episode 21, “Mayhem on a Cross”
Target of judgment: Dr. Gordon Wyatt describes psychology.

45.
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Season 3, Episode 7, “The Boy in the Time Capsule”
Target of judgment: Sweets says profiling is not an exact science. Brennan says “a doy” with her eyes.

When something is a little gross…

46.
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Season 8, Episode 7, “The Bod in the Pod”
Target of judgment: “Gelatinized remains.”

When Brennan does not know how to behave in the situation…

47.
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Season 6, Episode 13, “The Daredevil in the Mold”
Target of judgment: Fisher is drinking a foul-smelling tea.

48.
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Season 2, Episode 11, “Judas on a Pole”
Target of judgment: A former FBI agent has a much nicer apartment than current FBI agent Booth. Brennan tells Booth this.

49.
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Season 4, Episode 15, “The Princess and the Pear”
Target of judgment: Booth is high on Vicodin.

50.
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Season 3, Episode 3, “Death in the Saddle”
Target of judgment: Booth knows Aristotle thought the heart was for solving math problems. Bones is surprised that Booth knows something.

51.
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Season 8, Episode 10, “The Diamond in the Rough”
Target of judgment: Wendell accidentally snaps off the hand of a skeleton. It is as though Brennan herself feels all the pain these human remains cannot feel for lack of sentience.

In conclusion, the woman’s got glower power.

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