“Balto” Is Actually Extremely Inappropriate For Children
Our canine hero does it all just to get some tail. On the movie's 18th birthday, let's look at how it was never really meant for the underage.
You may remember Balto as a heartwarming cartoon about a heroic wolf-dog. In reality, it is the story of how one dog saved many children from death because he wanted to bone a lady dog.
Balto, our hero, son of a dog and a wolf, is motivated by three things in life:
1. The desire to race with the sled dogs.
2. Shame at the wolf parentage that prevents him from racing with the sled dogs.
3. The desire to make sweet, sweet love to Jenna, the prettiest dog in town.
In order to prove himself a worthy sled dog, overcome his shame at his wolf side, and make sweet, sweet love to Jenna, the prettiest dog in town, Balto has to lead a team of sled dogs carrying a serum across the frozen wilderness to save Jenna's beloved human friend, Rosy, from diphtheria. In other words, Balto's heroics are motivated by various forms of desire from the start. Motivation-wise, this is probably the most realistic children's movie ever. It is also completely inappropriate.