1.California: Don't you dare give someone a massage therapist's license if they have not earned that massage therapist's license.
2.Nebraska: No one's gonna put a ring on your diseased ass.
3.South Carolina: Decision-maker in a church? Then I hope it has never even crossed your mind to spend money set aside for the cemetery on anything other than that cemetery.
4.New York: If you're the mayor of a New York village, do not even think about removing remains from an abandoned cemetery unless you're moving them to a different cemetery in the same county.
5.Oklahoma: Don't accuse a women of unchastity.
6.New Hampshire: Live free or die, and while you're at it, keep your damn dog inside your damn car.
7.Mississippi: Try not to be known as a tramp or stroll around in idleness or loaf around steamboat landings. You could get in trouble for that.
8.Missouri: NOT THE PLACE TO TAKE YOUR IMPROPERLY LABELED MATTRESS; better luck in some other state, fraudsters. And don't take off your mattress tags. Ever.
9.Florida: If you are an adulterer, you'd best keep that on the DL.
10.Alabama: Put that collar away if you're not a real priest.
11.Georgia: Llama professional? Do not forget to post a warning sign about the danger of your llamas.
12.New Mexico: Attempting to transport a goat carcass over state borders? Nice try — not without your certificate of inspection you're not.
13.North Carolina: Don't try to do illegal things in secret, y'all. Secret handshakes are not allowed for criminal purposes.
14.Montana: Greedy hunters, keep out.
15.Maryland: The long arm of the law will get all up in your business.
16.Delaware: Do not commit bigamy unless you are really, super convinced your previous spouse is dead.
17.Wisconsin: Catnapping is expressly forbidden.
18.West Virginia: Don't try to sell your foreign-made American flags to the government, because the government isn't buying.
19.Wyoming: No rustling. That means no rounding up and stealing horses, cattle, or sheep, for those of you who don't use words like "rustling."
20.North Dakota: No cloning humans.
21.Ohio: You absolutely may not spit on anyone while riding public transportation.
22.Maine: You can't claim "but we were hunting" as an excuse for assaulting someone. So much for the perfect crime.
23.Louisiana: Do. Not. Steal. Crawfish.
24.Oregon: You can commit a crime just by driving on the highway with too much hay. You've been warned.
25.Tennessee: Do not weaponize your snakes.
26.Washington: Your clover-orange-blossom honey will NOT masquerade as a single-flower-source honey.
27.Pennsylvania: Never discharge your paintball gun outside of an explicit paintball context.
28.Nevada: How many times does Nevada have to tell you not to leave the gate open?
29.New Jersey: Fraternities and sororities, your pledging procedures have to follow the standards set by the state attorney general. Rho is me, amirite, guys?
30.Alaska: If you forgot to renew the brand you used on your livestock, the joke's on you.
31.Rhode Island: Keep your use of grocery carts, laundry carts, milk cases, egg baskets, and bakery containers on the straight and narrow.
32.Arkansas: Don't pretend to win the lottery!
33.Colorado: No dueling whatsoever.
34.Hawaii: If you want to commit fraud, don't think you can get away with it by being a telemarketer.
35.Kentucky: Sunday's the day of rest, people, so either rest up or pay the price.
36.Kansas: Keep your illegal bingo operation the hell out of this state.
37.Iowa: Owners of dangerous wild animals have to jump through some hoops in order to keep their dangerous wild animals. So dust off that sign warning people you have a dangerous wild animal.
38.Idaho: Think you can burn an American flag and get away with it? Not in Idaho, friend.
39.South Dakota: You can't even trample the flag.
40.Indiana: Glue-sniffers, go home.
41.Illinois: No fornicating.
42.Michigan: Cuss, and they'll do more than wash your filthy mouth out with soap.
43.Vermont: Don't disguise your horse.
44.Virginia: Just leave the homing pigeons alone.
45.Minnesota: Do not mess with anyone's wood.
46.Arizona: Register your farm on the register of heritage agriculture and you'd better have at least one house, barn, shed, crib, granary, silo, windmill or fence that is at least twenty-five years old. Or else.
47.Connecticut: Don't cheat at cards.
48.Massachussetts: Headphones were invented for a reason, people. Use them on public transportation or fly in the face of both common decency and law.