17 Things Latin Nerds Know To Be True

That’s the gospel veritas.

1. Although “declension” and “clench” are not etymogically related, you know they’re related.

2. While your friends in other language classes are learning the vocabulary for “family,” you are learning the vocabulary for “losing your entire family as you flee a city the enemy soldiers have set on fire.”

Federico Barocci / Via en.wikipedia.org

3. You’re not sure whether you feel comfortable saying “so” without a subsequent “that.”

I don’t *KNOW* why I’m so serious

that I think about these things.

4. Someone in your elementary Latin class wanted to be called “Magnus.” It was a little weird.

OK, bro.

5. Aqueducts are glorious.

They take your breath away.

6. It was exquisitely painful to find out you should have been memorizing those supine forms all along, but your asshole Latin teacher didn’t bother to tell you.

THE WORST, amirite, Laocoön?

7. J.K. Rowling is doing a lot for your street cred.

LOL, “your street cred.”

8. Monks are jerks.

Adrian Pingstone / Via en.wikipedia.org

Fine, you don’t really feel that way.

But honestly, monks, what the hell with this?!

9. He’s Vergil in public and Vergilius when you’re alone with a copy of the Aeneid and your dog-eared dictionary.

A. Hunter Wright / Via en.wikipedia.org


10. It’s bewildering when an older person conjugates “amo, amare” for you. Why did this person feel compelled to conjugate?


11. Some people think of punctuation as a hassle, but you think of it as a luxury.

No, the majesty of the humble comma is not lost on you.

12. Ditto spacing.

Sebastià Giralt / Via Flickr: sebastiagiralt

I don’t take word spacing for granted, and neither should you. Don’t even get me started on lowercase letters.

13. You cringe a little when people say “per se.”

“Common usage” can be quite brutal.

14. Oh, cool, another person just told you you’ll be able to talk to the pope.

Risible. And no, I’m not talking about your joke.

15. You have an opinion about Caesar as a writer, and it is not a very high one.

16. I’m sorry, what did you say? Ellipsis?

Gary Leeming / Via Flickr: grazulis

17. Scores of people will ask you why you study “a dead language.”

The answer to this question is simple: Latin is not dead to me, doofus.

Or should I say doofe?

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