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12 Reasons Jess Mariano From "Gilmore Girls" Was The Worst Boyfriend Ever

Everyone thinks Rory should've ended up with Jess, but I'm here to tell you that he sucks.

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1. Jess is SO ANGRY.

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His face looked like this 99% of the time. Being a misunderstood, Holden Caulfield type is one thing. Being a total misanthrope is quite another.

2. But seriously. He is so pissed off.

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Look at that insolent expression. LOOK AT IT.

3. Jess is disrespectful to Luke.

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Luke Danes is arguably the greatest human being in the world. Jess is ungrateful and hostile toward his uncle, when Luke is never anything but generous. Sure, Jess later grows up and GRUDGINGLY makes nice with Luke once they are living in separate cities. But whatever. It's easy to be nice when you never have to see each other.

(Luke pushing Jess into the lake = Epic).

4. Jess doesn't like Lorelai (and vice versa).

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Maybe it's because Lorelai knows Jess is a bad egg. But WHO DOESN'T LIKE LORELAI?! Lorelai is delightful. These two never saw eye to eye, and Lorelai is Rory's BEST friend. You can't have a boyfriend who hates your best friend. He doesn't even think Lorelai is funny, which means his sense of humor SUCKS.

5. Speaking of Jess's sense of humor...

...a swan attacked you. LAUGH ABOUT IT. Jess is so vain and embarrassed, he lies to Rory about the swan and starts a whole fight at her grandmother's house. Grow up. Look at his face while talking about a bird. YOU'RE MAD AT A BIRD.
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...a swan attacked you. LAUGH ABOUT IT. Jess is so vain and embarrassed, he lies to Rory about the swan and starts a whole fight at her grandmother's house. Grow up. Look at his face while talking about a bird. YOU'RE MAD AT A BIRD.

6. Jess isn't considerate and forces Rory to watch sports.

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Jess chases Rory for months, makes her believe he will give her everything, and finally wins her heart. Once they're together, he doesn't call and generally takes her for granted. His unavailability forces Rory to attend a hockey game, for god's sake. Shit got real.

7. Jess does magic.

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This is not a sexy hobby.

8. Jess hates small children.

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OK, so he doesn't like kids. Big deal. But does he have to physically threaten innocent lives? That girl is like twelve, dude. Chill out.

9. Jess hates everyone except for Rory.

As a teenager, I thought it was romantic how Jess only had eyes for Rory. As an adult, I think it's a giant-ass red flag. Who wants a BF without any friends of his own, because he literally cannot stand a single other person on the planet? That's kinda troubling.
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As a teenager, I thought it was romantic how Jess only had eyes for Rory. As an adult, I think it's a giant-ass red flag. Who wants a BF without any friends of his own, because he literally cannot stand a single other person on the planet? That's kinda troubling.

10. Jess doesn't know how to use the phone.

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He says he'll call, and then he DOESN'T. He leaves town without taking Rory to her prom, or even telling her goodbye. He eventually calls a few times, but always hangs up without saying anything. Rory gets no closure. COWARDLY. Or maybe he was talking into the wrong end.

11. Jess says "I love you" in the worst possible way.

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Jess tells Rory he loves her in the middle of the street, after not speaking to her for months. He says it, and then RUNS AWAY (AGAIN). Could he be any less mature? It's proof positive that Jess only cares about his own needs. He doesn’t care what Rory needs. He doesn't care about giving her a chance to respond or say her piece.

12. Jess doesn't actually know Rory at all.

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Jess does not ‘get’ Rory the way he thinks he does. When he begs her to run away with him to New York, he says "I know you, this is what you want." But if Jess knew anything about Rory, he’d know Yale and Lorelai are the most important things in her life, and she would never abandon them.

13.

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Kirk is better than Jess, Dean, and Logan put together. You know it's true.

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