back to top
Community

When Your Mother Calls You A Whore

Turning my humanity off

Posted on

Make it stop

Nobody knows that I'm depressed, but I'm sure that I'm. There is nothing else in the world that can make a person feel this way. It started with unexplained pain in the chest, like someone is trying to rip my heart away from my body extremely slowly, making me feel the pain bit by bit. Then I felt like I was chocking, it was very difficult to breathe. Next, my brain started to analyse all my possible flaws and why I shouldn't inhabit this planet anymore. It told me that the tiny space that I was occupying was a crime. It made me either stuff my face with food or not make me eat anything at all. I started contemplating ways of ending my life, analyzing all the different options and deciding which one would be less painful and quick.

Wait, this is not the worst part. The more damaging part is that this thought first came to my mind at a young age of twelve and hence at the age of fourteen, I tried my first suicide attempt by ingesting something that was poisonous, but not enough to put a full stop to my life. So, here I am eight years later still figure out ways to do the same, failing time and again.

I'm sure you all would be thinking what is wrong with her or somebody help her or are her parents blind to not see how much pain their daughter is in. My dear friends, my parents aren't blind or ignorant; they are the cause for it. I'm not here to sham my parents because they provided me with the best possible education, good food, and good clothes, everything a child financially needs. But, what they forgot to provide me with is the emotional bond that I or any other kid would crave for. I have been physically abused since a very young age. My mother has beaten me with everything possible, from rods to belts. She does so now too when I'm twenty-two years old. I wasn't thrashed for genuine mistakes; I was struck whenever I did anything that they didn't approve of. I can deal with all the physical pain but the emotional damage is what kills me. Being called a whore or a prostitute when I didn't even know the meaning of such words has made me numb. Hearing that my mother regrets giving me birth or that she wishes that I suffer all the disease or that I will never have a good career or that I'm an asshole, a witch, a shame on the family's name or that I can't do anything right time and again, makes me kill myself. The pain is too much for me to handle now.

My aunt once told my mother that I might be suffering from depression, but she told her that I’m a drama queen and attention seeker. I have dedicated my whole life for their happiness and things that they like. I got a college degree that they approved of and now that degree is just a piece of paper because I don’t like it or know anything about it. My whole life seems like a mess and I don’t know how to improve it. One thing that I do know that will make it better is if I decide to end it altogether. Feel serene at last. That tranquility is what I am looking forward to now.

This post was created by a member of BuzzFeed Community, where anyone can post awesome lists and creations. Learn more or post your buzz!

Every. Tasty. Video. EVER. The new Tasty app is here!

Dismiss