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    Nov 26, 2017

    19 Jokes About Getting Sick That'll Make You Laugh Then Cry

    "being sick is like taking a day off but in a dead persons body"


    "I've an appointment with Dr Patel." "Dr Patel is off sick today so-" [slowly backs away & whispers] "U people can't even help yourselves."


    when you're sick af and your friend asks if you're still down to go out


    me: hey body i rlly need u to stay healthy ok? my body: oh did u say sick? me: no, healthy my body: here's a cold lol


    *takes sip of NyQuil* mmmMMMM a 2006 vintage


    *reads a note sombody put on my desk* [i heard u caught a cold! i hope it FLU away!] *drops note* what.. WAT IS THIS SOME SORT OF SICK JOKE


    If kleenexes were like q-tips, the tissue box would say "DO NOT use these to blow your nose. You will ruin your face"


    DAD: You're sick. Make sure you drink plenty of fluids ME:


    being sick is like taking a day off but in a dead persons body


    *bane voice* is everything ok, brent? "I just don't remember you sounding like that on our first date" *bane voice* I had a cold


    Me: im a bad bitch you can't kill me !! Me with a small cold:


    ME: im sick—give me ur wizard potions DOCTOR: for the last time im not a wizard ME: oh right a wizard never tells DOCTOR: thats not a saying


    i've been sick for like 48 hrs but i'm still gonna order a piece of cake with my soup bc i refuse to die without cake being partly to blame


    when you've already coughed 3 times in class and you're trying not to cough again


    I can never remember is it starve a cold feed a fever or eat a sleeve of saltines binge watch 48 Hours and convince yourself love isn't real


    ME: tell me the truth doc 80s TEEN DOCTOR: you're sick dude ME: sick like cool or— 80s TEEN DOCTOR: so ill ME: please I have a wife and kids


    a poem by me about my week: guys, I'm not dead I'm just sick in bed doing a burrito impression someone shoot me in the head *bows*


    Me: I got chills, they're multiplying, and I'm losing control. 'Cause the power you're supplying, it's electrifying! Dr: You have swine flu


    I drank half a bottle of NyQuil and tried to call Audrey Hepburn on my microwave


    adding one last *cough* when I call in sick from work

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