back to top

19 Hilarious First Date Tweets Anyone Who's Single Can Relate To

"'I usually don't do this on the first date,' I say, pushing two lobsters together and making sex noises."

Posted on


[first date] ok dont let them know i stalked them online them: my aunt-- me: theresa or sharon


That was a fun first date! Text me whenever u want to hang out again, i'll be staring at my phone and sweating until then


[trying to avoid awkward silence on first date] you ever see a horse throw up? "no" *smiles and turns phone sideways so video gets bigger*


"I usually don’t do this on the first date," I say, pushing two lobsters together and making sex noises


[first date that up until now is going extremely well] date: it’s nice to finally meet a normal guy me: my dog’s name is jeff


Spice things up in a first date by wearing a parachute and refusing to talk about it


[first date] Me: damn girl, your hair is on fleek! You're so bae! That jacket is 100 emoji! Her: are you okay


{first date} Him: You look tense Me: I'm so nervous Him: Aw. Just be you Me: IVE BEEN HOLDING IN A FART THAT MIGHT LAUNCH ME TO CANADA


DATE: oh u have an eyelash on ur cheek [picks it up] make a wish ME (under my breath): i wish u wouldn't touch my property


I had dating on my mind because my brother's dating book came out ( so I made this first da…


[breaking 5 minute silence on first date] Me: sorry I laughed when you said both your parents were dead


*sits down at first date* *places a ninja turtle action figure in the adjacent seat* *to waiter* "We'll be needing a third menu."


(making out with my date) alexa play Jurassic Park soundtrack


[first date] ME: Your fav type of dog? HER: I don't like dogs- ME: [motions to waiter] I'd like my bread sticks to go.


[first date] ME: Don't let her know you're a teacher HER: [eats mint from purse] So, w- ME: I HOPE YOU BROUGHT ENOUGH FOR THE WHOLE CLASS


[first date] HER: So, do you like children? ME: Oh sure, I'll eat anything. HER: What? ME: What?


Me on the first date VS. me when I get comfortable and they gotta love me for me


*first date* guy: can I get a milkshake with 2 straws? girl: that’s so romantic. guy, chugging milkshake with makes…


[first date] oh yeah, I'd totally love to see a photo of your dog [second date] so uh, can I grab a peek at those dog pics again or...

The best things at three price points