A while back, we asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us about their BDSM sex experiences that went hilariously wrong. They were all so good that we decided to turn them into a "would you rather" game. Get your safe word ready.
The solo caning incident:
"I’ve been in the scene for nearly six years now. When I discovered that I was a sadist, I quickly became obsessed with caning and bought a pair of rattan canes to use. I was practicing with them by whacking them against my bed, testing force and durability, when the super thin one I was using whipped up and smacked the shit out of my face. Many curse words later I had a black-and-blue streak right across my cheek and eye that lasted for about two weeks."
The broken tooth:
"One time during a session with my dom he was whipping me fairly hard while I had a bit gag in my mouth. I started to bite down and one of my teeth broke. Needless to say I didn’t care to continue after that."
The indestructible restraints:
"I was in a long-distance relationship at the time, so when we were together, we went crazy. We bought a new set of restraints from a local sex shop. They were made like plastic zip ties, only much thicker. That night we were beginning a threesome with his friend and I was the only one in restraints. They were pretty uncomfortable, so we paused for me to get out, only to realize that there was no release mechanism.
The only instructions weren't in English. My ex tried to cut them with scissors but they were too thick. His friend got dressed and ran to their other friend's apartment to get new scissors — she was an art student so we assumed they'd be pretty sharp. It took 45 minutes to release me. During the process, the ties bit into my wrists, leaving awkward and obvious marks that didn’t fade for months."
The disappearing act:
"One time I was tied heel to wrists with a ball gag in my mouth. My partner walked into the living room because a friend had shown up. I was slowly sliding off his horrible red silk sheets. I fell upside down between the wall and his bed. I tried my best to scream. A few minutes later he walked back in the room AND COULDN'T FIND ME AT FIRST. He ended up spotting me, removed the gag, and I screamed my safety word."
The romantic candlelit carpet:
"My wife and I have been into BDSM pretty much our entire relationship. We frequently switch roles and her birthday fell on a time when she was the dominant one. As a surprise for her, I decided to tie myself up and have a trail of candles leading down the hall. By the time she found the trail, one of the candles had somehow leaked onto the carpet and burned a 6-inch-wide hole in the carpet!
She burst into the room yelling that there was a fire. It completely ruined the surprise and the mood of course, but we managed to salvage the evening…after putting out the fire and me apologizing a million times."
The cinnamon candle challenge:
"Tied down to the bed, my partner and I were trying a new massage candle. Cinnamon flavor! It had essential oils in it. Felt great! Right up until he dripped it on my exposed vulva. When the cinnamon essential oils hit my clit and the mucus membranes around my girly bits, I lost it! It hurt so bad and it was not a good pain. And I was tied down. He was scrambling to untie me, I was desperately trying to get it off. I ended up sitting and crying in a cold bath for a while."
The hot AF candle:
"One time, my partner and I were in the mood to try something different, so I brought a regular candle from my house. What I didn’t know was that you needed to buy a special hot wax candle that’s safe for skin (usually, unless you love scalding pain). So I’m sitting on top of him and I start to drip the wax on his chest, as soon as it hits him he yells 'Oh my god!' and a ton of profanities. I sit there and tell him that he actually likes it, it feels good, and to just give it a minute. We tried it on me next and that ended reeaaalllll fast."
The concerned neighbor:
"I had a sub request we start getting into breath play. I was game to learn and study it. My playroom is upstairs, and together we worked out a modification to my bondage table. But what neither of us noticed was that as he was strung up, you could see him from the house next door. I had to pull the quick release when I heard the doorbell. The cops came and they had to go up to my playroom to talk to him in order to make sure everything was consensual."
The other concerned neighbor:
"I’m into a scene called 'WAM,' aka wet and messy. One time we were making a video where my partner tied me up in the shower and poured COLD stuff all over me. Ice cream, milk, cream, yogurt, the works, then followed up by a cold shower. I despise being cold, so I shrieked quite a bit. What happened? A cop showed up. I guess my neighbors heard me, though I tried to be respectful and quiet, and we had to explain the whole thing. Thankfully everything turned out OK, but I think next time I’ll wear a gag."
The surprised guests:
"My husband and I were having a particularly adventurous session involving tying me down, using paddles and ball gags — the works. It was fantastic...until my in-laws showed up unannounced. By the time we greeted them, the damage was done, and the array of toys lying around made it that much worse."
The slippery kitchen:
"I had my ex blindfolded, handcuffed, and in lingerie. I was also in lingerie and high heels. I had just finished giving her a massage with oil and I thought we were alone in her apartment, so I went to get ice. It turned out her roommates had just walked in, and I freaked out. I slipped on the kitchen floor — ice went everywhere and I landed straight on my ass. Meanwhile, my girlfriend was freaking out because everyone could see her in the doorway and she couldn’t move or see."
The Indiana Jones:
"My boyfriend was Indiana Jones one year for Halloween, so he made himself a whip out of thick cord and put weed-whacker wire on the end. I have always been into rough sex — not the full BDSM lifestyle, but occasionally it's fun. Anyway, I thought maybe instead of a belt he could use his actual whip. Guess who had a black line across her right butt cheek for over a year?"
The lost butt plug:
"My dom decided to try an anal plug on me for the first time. He was going down on me while tapping the base of the plug, and I was really getting off on it. Suddenly, he tapped a little too hard and the plug went completely inside me. He managed to stay calm, and we were eventually able to get it out with a lot of lube and careful manipulation. Later, he asked if I wanted to try to pick things back up. In the most Eeyore voice imaginable, I said, 'Oh, not right now. My ass just swallowed a plug.'"
The bed-breaking sex:
"I had both hands tied to the headboard and he was really going at it with me. And just when I was about to finish, I arched my back and the bed broke under us.
His mom, who was in the garage below us, heard the crash and we heard her running up the stairs. We panicked. He threw the blanket over me and a pillow between my hands and head. He threw on a towel just before she swung open the door, and then kicked my bra under the bed while they were talking. He told her that he was just leaning over to kiss me before getting in the shower when the bed broke. She wanted to look at the boards to see how bad it was, but I said that the bang had woken me up from a nap and that I needed a second to catch my breath. We said we’d look at it after he got out of the shower and she left. We just looked at each other and laughed. It was the closest we had ever come to getting caught."