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Here's What It's Actually Like To Own A Fitbit

Let's take this step by step.

1. You open your Fitbit and immediately light up with joy.

2. You start envisioning how healthy it will make you this year, how 2016 will totally be your YEAR OF YOU.

Berit Watkin / Via Flickr: ben124

3. You download the app and immediately follow all of your friends who also have Fitbits.

You're pumped to finally be one of the ~enlightened~ ones.

4. And then you name-drop your new toy in every possible situation you can.

"Oh, you ordered pizza? Sweet, the last time I ordered pizza was before I had my new Fitbit."

5. But the first full day you wear it around, you log only 4,000 steps — and you are BAFFLED.

Didn't all those trips from the couch to the fridge and back again count for anything?

6. So the next day, you wake up with one goal in mind: You will literally NOT STOP MOVING.

6. You go for a long run, you walk your dog TWICE, you go grocery shopping, and you even walk in place while watching TV.


7. Around 4 p.m., your Fitbit beeps: You've reached 10,000 steps!

Who cares if you passed up going to the movies with your friends and you forgot to do that thing for work? You got 10,000 steps and THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS.

8. At 11:55 p.m., you slyly check your best friend's steps for that day.

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You both have 14,000. Noooooooo!!! This means war.

9. Since you still have five minutes until the day ends, you start running and jumping in place at 11:56 p.m., just to be sure you beat her.

Don't hate the player, hate the game.

10. The clock strikes midnight, and you check your stats: 15,000. And then you check hers: 14,700! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.


What Mindy said.

11. You get your first email badge. It's a lighthouse! Apparently, you climbed 50 floors and therefore you are a lighthouse.

Annie Daly

"With a floor count this high, you're a beacon of inspiration to us all," Fitbit informs you.


12. The next morning, you check your sleep patterns and see that you were "restless" over 30 times for the past couple of nights.

13. You freak out and buy a really expensive new mattress and new luxury sheets.

Sleep is important, yo. And your Fitbit basically justified your big purchase.

14. Your non-Fitbit friends start making fun of your new Fitbit addiction.

They think you're crazy. You think they don't ~get it~. You get into a mini fight.

15. A few more days go by, and then one morning, you get to work — and realize you forgot your Fitbit.

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16. At first, you feel very lost.

17. Like a part of you is missing.

18. You wonder if getting up to go to the bathroom is even worth it.

If it doesn't get you more steps, what's the point? Really, what's the point of it all?

19. But as the day goes by, you realize you are actually fine without your other half.

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You are not your Fitbit, and your Fitbit is not you.

20. The next morning, you put on your Fitbit — but sigh. You've lost that loving ~zest~.

22. When it beeps, you kinda just shrug.

23. And when you see that your friend got more steps than you did, you're too cozy in your new sheets to care.

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24. But the next morning when you wake up, the itch is back! You want to win again. You NEED to win again.

Biletskiy_evgeniy / Getty Images

Mountains will be climbed! Victory will be yours!

25. And that's when you realize that on some days, you'll simply care about your specific numbers more than on others...

Mycola / Getty Images

...and that's OK. After all, life has so many moving parts, and some days, the exact amount you move is simply not the priority.

But even if, in the end, your Fitbit ownership means you're only ~slightly~ more conscious of your overall habits than you were before, then you know what? That's still progress.

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