crawled up on the couch with a book and a blanketprepping a four course gluten free dinner for your SOwinking at the Seven Eleven salesperson from behind the chocolate shelfchecking your bank balance and sighing with relieffeeding your catsengaged in an intense full-body workout sesh
When people are lateWhen someone's phone goes off at the cinemaWhen you're doing your nails and it gets all messed upWhen the person in front of you on the airplane flips back their seatWhen someone farts in publicBad breathWhen there is no toilet paper left
Royalty, duhMartin Luther KingA plant, most likelyA cherry pie on Twin PeaksBeethoven's nephew KarlA salamander
What Will Be The Unlikely Cause Of Your Death?
The yellow plastic perforates your foot in the exact spot that has that typical blood gushing effect. Without realizing it your boot fills up with red liquid, and suddenly you find that you get so dizzy you start looking around for furry walls to stroke, or hold onto, or… zzz
Your friend calls and yells through the phone that KiKi is getting her arms waxed in your street, so suddenly you’re awake like life, you jump out of bed, and strap on your bathrobe. Too tightly. The force causes four of your intestines to snap. Inhaling your last bits of Co2 and gurgling up blood you make it to your balcony and slump over the edge. KiKi is just on her way out of the downstairs boutique. We can only imagine what happens next…
When your flat mate gets back from the Antilles a day later he finds you covered in popcorns and with your finger pressed firmly on the rewind button of the remote. Granted, anyone would want to watch that part where David gets kidnapped a second time.
The salesman had walked up to you only minutes earlier, grabbed you by the arm and asked if you were alright. Your maniacal look of determination, those bloodshot eyes: no, you’d better go home. He had almost managed to escort you to the exit, but then there had been the lingerie department AND SALES ON ALL THONGS!!!
You get lost in your own palace and die from an agonizing need to pee. With your carefully combed hair spread out over the floral bouquet of your Louis XIV carpet, you have a last glance at the cherubs dancing across the ceiling. Oh life, you silly thing.
You get poisoned flipping through the pages of a medieval book on gardening. Licking the tip of your fingers each time you turn a page, you slowly but surely come to consume a fair amount of venom, and you wonder if it’s fatigue or something different settling in as your sight gets foggy and your head heavy. Good knight!
Your significant other has set up an indoors scavenger hunt on your third anniversary, but in forgetting to curb your enthusiasm you swoosh around the house and make the china tremble. Alas, the fridge swings a little too much your way, and as you get all worked up over being unable to figure out the sixth clue, you are suddenly engulfed in cool plastic.