1.Further proof that Rob Lowe is a magic robot who LITERALLY has not aged in 20 years.
2.I wish everyone could understand just how golden they were together. Also: matching haircuts.
3.People will never not have at least five covers with royals each year.
4.Hahahahaha remember that time when a guy who looked like your dad was People's Sexiest Man?
5.The 22-year engagement.
6.Johnny Depp's hair in 1994 = Johnny Depp's hair in 2014.
7.Two husbands ago, "a nifty Welsh groom."
8.This is right around the time that Abdul was in a music video with an animated cat ("Opposites Attract"). Note: THE CRUSHED VELVET BUSTIER.
9.Everything you ever wanted to know about Hollywood in 1990 can be gleaned from 1.) watching Dick Tracy and 2.) then watching Madonna's Truth or Dare, in which Beatty makes a very reluctant appearance.
10.This is almost tabloid-style bait-and-switch: "oddest couple" that isn't actually a couple at all! Excellent use of "raunchy."
11.There are so many things wrong with this cover, but the use of "heavy hitters" might be the most egregious.
12.This is why so many people felt like they were experiencing déjà vu when the allegations resurfaced this winter.
13.I wish I could take everyone back to the summer of 1991, when every other song on the radio was "When a Man Loves a Woman" or "Love Is a Wonderful Thing."