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What The Fuck Is The Plot Of The Musical In "High School Musical?"

Ms. Darbus, explain yourself.

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Hey. Remember High School Musical?

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Of course you do. That film is a cinematic masterpiece.

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But despite all the things that make this film so amazing...

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... There is one thing that makes pretty much zero sense: The musical within the musical. You know, the one the entire plot revolves around?

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Here's basically everything we know about this musical:

The name is "Twinkle Towne," with the archaic spelling of the word "town." So it takes place in the past? Maybe?

It is apparently a Ms. Darbus original.
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It is apparently a Ms. Darbus original.

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The costumes and sets for the show are all over the place. There's this gold dress a random girl is sewing in detention:

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This giant-ass moon, that shows up in Troy and Gabriella's "Breaking Free" audition:

So...maybe it takes place in space? Why else would the moon be that big?
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So...maybe it takes place in space? Why else would the moon be that big?

That elaborate tree that Troy staples a single leaf to:

BTW, does Troy know how leaves work? I'm not sure that he does.
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BTW, does Troy know how leaves work? I'm not sure that he does.

And then there's this FREAKIN' CAMEL:

What? What? Why is there a camel? WHAT IS GOING ON?
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What? What? Why is there a camel? WHAT IS GOING ON?

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Now let's talk about the weird-ass characters in this musical. The two leads are named Arnold and Minnie.

K.
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K.

Based on "What I've Been Looking For," Arnold and Minnie are longtime friends who recently took their relationship to the next level.

"Thought I was alone / with no one to hold / but you were always right beside me."
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"Thought I was alone / with no one to hold / but you were always right beside me."

Also, can we talk about the fact that this entire musical was composed by this teen girl?

Why does Darbus get any credit for this show again?
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Why does Darbus get any credit for this show again?

Her show is totally bonkers, but still. Well done, Kelsi.

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Anyway. "Bop to the Top" implies Arnold and Minnie become some sort of showbiz power couple, who are maybe Latino.

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And then there's "Breaking Free," which features Arnold and Minnie achieving a very vague dream.

Oh right, that place.
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Oh right, that place.

Based on the callback list, there seem to be only three characters in addition to Arnold and Minnie.

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There's "The Incredible Mr. Schain." Who is he? A magician? A circus ring leader?

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There's Johnny Omni. Perhaps "Omni" is short for "omnipotent?" Is Johnny some sort of omnipotent, benevolent god?

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Finally, there's the tragically obscured fourth role in the play.

We can only imagine what nuance and depth this unknown character brought to "Twinkle Towne."
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We can only imagine what nuance and depth this unknown character brought to "Twinkle Towne."

In summation, "Twinkle Towne" is fucking insane. To quote Sharpay, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

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It's almost as insane as a basketball player who bakes.

I said almost.
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I said almost.

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And don't even get me started on that meta shit in High School Musical 3.

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Darbus, just stick with "Oklahoma" next time. Seriously.

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H/T Tumblr user ilovetextingandscones.

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