When you wake up, you forget it's Yom Kippur and accidentally brush your teeth.
Shul is absolutely packed even though it’s nobody’s Bar or Bat Mitzvah.
And the kids in shul, who are normally cute, become your enemies.
For one day of the year, all the Jews you know agree on something: you’re all hungry.
No, seriously. You experience hunger like never before.
You talk about "fasting badly", as if anyone does it well.
Suits and trainers suddenly become very cool.
And Brent Cross shopping centre becomes completely deserted.
You have a Cheder reunion.
When you walk into synagogue, you think: I was here really recently. Like 10 days ago.
Talking of synagogue, it feels like exercise.
And you soon realise that literally no girls actually stick to the rule of not wearing make up.
The Rabbi and the Chazan dress up like the pope.
You are guilted into donating to charity.
And there's always a game of chicken when it comes to who's going to kneel down first during Aleinu.
Oh yeah, didn't I mention? You beat yourself. Dan Brown style.
Weirdly, the cool place to be is just hanging out outside synagogue.
Your pre-fast dinner starts at the same time as dinner when you were six years old.
And you get a cup of tea with your meal, which makes you wonder why you don't do that all the time.
On Monday morning, bragging rights go to whoever stayed at synagogue the longest.
And although you feel proud of yourself, you're so glad that Yom Kippur only comes around once a year.