7 Lesbian Sex Haikus (With Cats!)

If you’ve ever wondered what lesbian sex is like, these haikus are for you.

The following lesbian sex haikus (with cats!) are excerpted from The Lesbian Sex Haiku Book (with Cats!), in stores now.

Kelsey Beyer / Flatiron Books
1.

Lesbian foreplay:
Strip every time Rachel
Maddow makes a pun.

2.

Strap-on sex is fun
Until you realize, you
Don’t know when to stop.

3.

It’s like straight sex—same
insecurities, regrets—
But with more laundry.

4.

Pour the wine, light the
fire, fight over something she
said eight months ago.

Kelsey Beyer / Flatiron Books
5.

There’s not one right way
lesbians get it on. There
are, like, four at least.

6.

It’s like straight sex, but
the little spoon is determined
by lottery.

7.

Autocorrect turns
“mmm” to “mom.” Freud rises from
grave, “I told you so!”

***

Anna Pulley is a writer in Oakland, California. Her work has appeared in New York magazine and Mother Jones, on BuzzFeed, AlterNet, The Toast, and Salon, and in zines tastefully peppered with Ani DiFranco lyrics. She’s been a repeat guest on Dan Savage’s podcast, Savage Love, and is a sex and relationship columnist for the Chicago Tribune and AfterEllen. Let her send you haiku and crude cat emoticons at tinyletter.com/annapulley

Art by Kelsey Beyer.

For more lesbian sex haikus, be sure to check out The Lesbian Sex Haiku Book (with Cats!).

Flatiron Books

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