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If '90s Toy Ads Were Honest

There were a lot of things the toy makers wouldn't mention. For example, pain.

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1. Because apparently gender roles need to exist from early on?

"Supporting the patriarchy since 1963."
Via Hasbro / BuzzFeed

"Supporting the patriarchy since 1963."

2. Having a heart attack at eight is what every kid secretly dreams of.

"Awaken your worst nightmares in the middle of the night."
Via Hasbro / BuzzFeed

"Awaken your worst nightmares in the middle of the night."

3. Has anyone really ever used this to trick someone?

"You'll only want it because Kevin had it."
Via Tiger / BuzzFeed

"You'll only want it because Kevin had it."

4. There's no such thing as eternal happiness.

"Have fun! But for like one day, though. It won't stick anymore after that."
Via Glober Industries / BuzzFeed

"Have fun! But for like one day, though. It won't stick anymore after that."

5. With great toys comes great suffering.

"Just imagine...the pain you'll feel when you step on one."
Via Lego / BuzzFeed

"Just imagine...the pain you'll feel when you step on one."

6. Maybe you should reconsider asking Santa for that dog, too.

"The first proof you should not have children."
Via Bandai / BuzzFeed

"The first proof you should not have children."

7. Because everyone needs that ball and chain experience at least once in their life.

"Bruises included!"
Via Hasbro / BuzzFeed

"Bruises included!"

8. Your unconditioned reflexes are not fast enough, sorry.

"In yo' face!"
Via Mookie / BuzzFeed

"In yo' face!"

9. Imagination knows no limits, but your need for art supplies does.

"Be honest with yourself, Jessica. You'll never need that many markers."
Via Toy Giant / BuzzFeed

"Be honest with yourself, Jessica. You'll never need that many markers."

10. No one ever used the tongs. It's sort of our own fault, really.

"Having fingers is overrated anyway."
Via MB Games / BuzzFeed

"Having fingers is overrated anyway."

11. A hope for those who were less skilled.

"We're so sorry you can't catch."
Via Mookie / BuzzFeed

"We're so sorry you can't catch."

12. It was all fun and games until it turned out someone forgot to check the ground for sharp objects.

"Rock'n Pain Edition."
Via Wham-O / BuzzFeed

"Rock'n Pain Edition."

13. Better start young.

"We'll prepare you for drunk walking at the age of 10!"
Via Hart / BuzzFeed

"We'll prepare you for drunk walking at the age of 10!"

14. Unrealistic body proportions.

"FYI, no one looks like that IRL. You're beautiful."
Via Mattel / BuzzFeed

"FYI, no one looks like that IRL. You're beautiful."

15. A definitive proof '90s toy makers had no clue what they were doing.

"At this point we don't even know anymore...buy this?"
Via Galoob / BuzzFeed

"At this point we don't even know anymore...buy this?"