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Will You Make It Through Thanksgiving Dinner Without Crying?

'Tis the season for turkey and tears.

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  1. Your aunt is musing as to why someone as attractive as you would still be single. How do you respond?

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    Laugh and say "Okay, Sharon."
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    Smile thinly and stay silent to make it clear you don't want to talk about it.
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    Ignore her completely and turn to your sibling to start a totally new conversation.
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    Passionately accuse her of devaluing your worth as a person in suggesting that you are incomplete without a significant other.
  2. Your younger cousin is straight-up dumping spoonfuls of potatoes on the floor, and his parents are just smiling. What do you do?

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    Nothing because he's not your kid, but silently judge your aunt and uncle for their terrible parenting.
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    Snap at your aunt and uncle to please control their demon child.
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    Join him. Kids are so fun!
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    Passive aggressively comment on how long your mom spent cleaning the floor yesterday.
  3. Your mom is loudly lamenting how tragic it would be that she might die without having any grandchildren. What's your move?

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    Roll your eyes and change the subject.
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    Ask your mom if she could please, for once in her life, respect your life and the way you choose to live it???
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    Remark loudly how rude it would be if someone were to pressure you into life decisions in front of the entire family.
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    Say "Actually I have a very special announcement to make...I'm having a food baby! Get it? Cus I'm eating so much food today?"
  4. Your dad won't stop asking you how you plan to turn your current job into a viable career. How do you proceed?

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    Say, "You've NEVER believed in me!"
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    Drain the glass of wine you're drinking.
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    Not-so-nicely remind him that you're already way more successful than he was at your age.
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    Point at him with finger guns and say, "Pew pew pew!"
  5. Your grandmother has just made her third wildly offensive comment of the night. How do you react?

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    Exclaim "Oh my god!" but don't make eye contact — it will only encourage her.
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    Shrug and eat more food. It's not like she's running for president.
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    Angrily and ineffectively attempt to recreate your college gender studies course that you didn't do the reading for.
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    Say "Grandma, please don't..." but trail off and lose your nerve.
  6. Your cousin who is only two years older than you is giving you patronizing life advice. Your response?

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    Crack a "That's what she said" joke and high-five your dad.
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    Thank them but privately think about all the ways you are better than them.
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    Say "Gee thanks, o' wise one."
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    Ask if they have ever once in their life had a conversation without talking down to people?!?
  7. Your uncle's dog stole the last drumstick off your plate when you weren't looking. What do you do?

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    Scream "BAD DOG!" and insist the dog be kicked out of the room.
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    Fervently whisper "Fuck you" to the dog every time you see it.
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    Tilt your head back and look up to the Heavens. Ask God what sins have led you to this cruel fate.
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    Laugh about how it's Thanksgiving for dogs, too.

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