17 Office Hookup Horror Stories That'll Make You Stay Single Forever
"I came back and found my drunk coworker, naked and peeing in my bedroom closet."
1. The Bloody Bathroom Break
I was secretly sleeping with my boss for a year. One drunken night after a wedding, he got up to pee, tripped, and split his head open. I was naked, slapping him to keep him awake, slipping around a bathroom floor covered in blood. I had to clean the mess up by myself. The next day I was exhausted, pretending to be surprised when I heard the story from my co-workers.
2. The Closet Pee Incident
The first time my co-worker and I had sex, we were drunk and spent the night at my place. I got up early the next day because my mom had to pick up a few things. Little did I know that in my bedroom, my co-worker had gotten up too, still drunk, and couldn't find the bathroom. I came back to see him peeing on my favorite pair of Converse in my closet. I screamed, and he ran out of my apartment in his boxers.
3. The Snowflake Proposal
I found out one of my guy friends at work had no plans for Christmas, so I invited him to join my family. He gave me a snowflake pin and wrote me a poem. I was grateful, but when we got back to work, he was nasty to me. It got so horrible that I transferred departments. My brother told me years later that the pin/poem combo was supposed to be a marriage proposal, and he got mad because I didn't say yes!
4. The Lockout
While on a date with my coworker, he revealed that he still lived with his ex. That's a deal-breaker for me, so the date ended immediately. But later that night I got a call from him. He asked if I could pick him up at his place. Turns out his ex locked him out, and he wound up sleeping on his porch.
5. The Desk Buddy
I became very serious with a co-worker, and we actually had a baby... but unfortunately we ended it. The worst part is that I still have to work with him, and he sits a few desks away.
6. The New Old Girl
I had a thing with someone in the office, then found out he had a girlfriend who was pregnant — so I obviously ended things. A few weeks later, she started to work with us! Talk about awkward.
7. The New Years Bruise
I brought a guy I was seeing from work to an NYE party. Apparently he was being a dick and I was too drunk to notice, so my friend punched him in the face. I started crying, and he left me there, alone. We haven't spoken since.
—Darcy Raymond, Facebook
8. The Polygamist
I was sleeping with my boss for a few months. One night some girls from work went out for a few drinks, and after a few, one girl admits to me she was sleeping with my boss, too. Best of all, he said the same thing to both of us: To "keep it quiet" because he would lose his job. We both approached him, and he didn't work there much longer.
9. The Overly Secretive Co-Worker
My coworker and I became friends with benefits. Two months later, I started to actually fall for this guy and found out he had a girlfriend and a baby. Pathological liar, much?
10. The Email Printer
He had been cheating on me with a woman from his night school class and was emailing her from my home computer. For some reason, he forwarded the email to himself at work and printed them on the office printer. One of our co-workers found it and gave it to me. His defense was that "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
11. The Naked Picture Sender
I started seeing a guy in the office, and my boss got jealous — though he was married with children, and I told him I wasn't interested. My boss reacted by sending me naked photos of himself. I went to HR and showed them the sexually explicit texts, with me constantly replying "no." He got sacked within the hour.
12. The Potty Powwow
I hooked up with a co-worker in the unisex bathroom we had in our office. We were getting hot and I was really turned on, when suddenly I heard the door open. I quickly pushed him and pretended to be talking about work… In the bathroom.
13. The Absent Policeman
I started teaching at a high school and connected quickly with a policeman stationed in the building. We acted like teenagers, sneaking away to the boiler room to make out. My students found out and teased me mercilessly. Then I found out he had a live-in girlfriend the whole time. He got angry when I broke it off, and when a fight happened in my classroom, he didn't come to help. It was miserable.
14. The Embarrassing Emails
I was fooling around with a guy in my office, and we'd send racy emails with work-related headlines to not be suspicious. When I was let go from the company, I didn't get a chance to delete my emails right away. My mother was tasked with reading them all, just to check and make sure that they were not work related. Its been almost 10 years and I still haven't lived that down.
15. The Eye-Opening Threesome
I'm a gay man, and I've been curious about sleeping with a woman. Luckily I'm close with two of my co-workers, a straight man and straight woman. We got to talking one night after work over drinks, and one thing led to another. We ended up having a threesome — and it was just awful. I was questioning my sexuality before, I'm definitely not now.
16. The Background Check
I worked for a staffing company and a handsome man came to get a job. He checked in frequently, so we started talking and exchanged numbers. I was crushing on him until we ran his background check. Turns out he'd been in prison multiple times for domestic violence and strangulation.
17. And The Boat Blow Job
At my job we sometimes have to work on boats. One night, I was trying to fall asleep in a cabin with four other people, one of whom was my crush and my ex. He was snoring loudly, so I couldn't sleep. The snoring turned into heavy breathing and got faster and heavier. There was also movement coming from his bunk. At one point the heavy breathing stopped, and I heard the girl in another bunk burp. So I had listened to my ex get a blow job, and there was nothing I could do about it.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.