Missstep or Normality?
1)A student, years in a relationship with his beautiful, smart, charming Highschool love. – still cheats.
2)A loving, attentive parent, strolling hand in hand with his significant other – still cheats.
3)A caring partner leaving cutest notes in the morning, making breakfast, being in seventh heaven – still cheats.
4)Rebel lover, started as a fuck buddy (snatched him of tinder) – thought you changed him – still cheats
You see a f**cking pattern? You are right!
There are numerous possible life events for which the human heart is not prepared – cheating is one of them. I know what I am talking about – I went through it. An event which destroys or negatively influences a relationship within seconds. You give up on humanity and a world collapses. If you did not experience it yet by yourself – you are at least surrounded by people who have experienced it. Cheating - It is everywhere.
As stated above – you clearly see cheaters come in all ‘forms and shapes’ – therefore the probability that you will meet one of them is quite high! There is no ‘stereo type’ for cheaters. Maybe at the current state you are single not understanding how others 'oversee' the unfaithfulness of their partners though it’s so obvious to anyone else. Maybe you just fell in love and are assured he never would cheat on you. But maybe you are in a lifetime situation asking yourself: Is he cheating on me? Would he ever do this to me?
What is important in a steady relationship? 76% percent of questioned people agree – loyalty! Nevertheless, a lot of relationships come to an end. Guess why?
You are right - CHEATING is the answer.
Forgiveness? Can infidelity be a Restart?
The world is upside down. Pain, tears, your ego suffers, depression, self-doubt, self-esteem abandoned – looking back at the moments you shared not understanding how he could ever do this to you. How to continue? Forgive him? Does he even want you back? Does he even care?
Generally speaking, once he cheats its likely he will do it again. Once a man crosses this unmoral line he will not have scruples and it will be ‘easy’ for him to do it again. Be honest to yourself. Do you deserve that? The answer is no! No one deserves to be betrayed and be lied to. Would you ever trust him again? You can tell yourself that you forgave him, but honestly it will always chase you in the back of your head and will always be a point fighting arguments.
Is he not answering the phone? Or not replying to a text right away? Is he out drinking with friends? Traveling for "work"? Lastly you have to decide by yourself whether you can live with a 'history' like this or not. But be honest to yourself - You will not forget it. In fact, you don’t ever forget it. You need to learn from experiences.
Trust? After years of building it – gone within seconds! And therefore you should move on. Move on from this relationship. Move on from this MEN. Forgiveness does not mean another chance – It is freeing. He does not deserve you. Always remember that letting go of the past begins to make room for happiness in the present. You are never too old to start over. Live your dreams and be surrounded by positive people who desire you and are honest to you. It’s never too late to meet someone new.
You are not alone You are not to blame if love doesn’t feel good
You feel alone and not understood in your current state? Chin up, chest out. Pain fades. Thousand, even Millions of women lived through it and are happier than ever before. They did it – you can do it too! No matter how down you are – always remember – you are not alone. There are people out there going through the same/similar or even worse (even if hard to believe) life events. Don’t give up. There will be up and downs – you will manage. Friends, Family or virtual strangers can help you to get through it. Don’t give up on yourself. Always remember YOU'RE NOT to blame if your partner deceives you. This lesson is insanely important: If your partner deceives you, it is not your fault (no matter what other people say).
Cope with it
Whether it’s a one-night stand, a constant affair or ‘just’ some kisses. You need to learn to cope with the things happened. This will not be an easy way – but not an impossible one.
Do not be afraid to talk with close people about it, if needed don’t be afraid to get help. It is okay! Think about the past happenings, think about possible reasons. You need to be aware of how or whether you want to deal with the thematic. How do you react? How do you behave? How will you or will you ever again talk to the person hearting you? You have the right to be furious, you have the right to be sad. You have to decide how to deal with the situation individually. Take as much time as you need. It is important that you deal with the situation. Otherwise it can happen that you drag the experience of the deception into a next relationship. Justifying all sorts of jealousy affiliating to past bad experiences. Realize, this is not the fault of your new partner, but the old one. Therefore, leave the guilt and fear of attachment behind and be open to fall in love again.
Why do men cheat? Does it always go along with arguments, emotional problems and/or sexual frustration? Boredom or just a lack or non-existence of love?
Unfortunately, there is not a key answer to this question as most men do not have the balls to admit the reason for their shameful behaviour. Most of the time they are not even aware of how they shape the partner’s life with their unethical decisions. Some might be aware and just don’t care. Surely some men just want to see what else they can get. Relationships lack of confidence speaking about sex and their needs, affectations. Cheating is an effect of lacking communication in a relationship or it’s just a man who isn’t worth your love.
Though cheating on partners is nothing new, this century has provides a remarkable number of opportunities taking the infidelity route. Tempting, urge und motivate to experiment. Our lifestyle is responsible for this rise in infidelity or dishonesty offering and encouraging the use of Facebook, Tinder and plenty of dating apps....it has never been easier to proof friends, surrounded ones and of course themselves that they are attractive and wanted.
Before you even know it, it happened – just a small fling. How do they say? „Nothing emotional, it didn’t mean anything to me“. Just some sexting, exciting times to bridge time during lunch break, on the train rides etc. Just messages, not real. It happens so quick that they want more and can’t stop thinking about it and faster than ever they meet the surreal virtual person. Spending some wild time together. Just deleting the messages and pretending nothing ever happened. The partner will not find out anyways. It is a f*** up technical driven society following trends resulting often in pain. Sadly I do not see an ending of this.
A mistake - an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge. A mistake is basically something that you did not attend to do – you didn’t mean it. Cheating is a deliberate choice made by the people you love and care about. This people knew that the decision of cheating will hurt you and that it is morally wrong and not acceptable to cross this line and break the trust. So NO Cheating is not a mistake – it is a choice!
Anderson, K. G. (2006). How well does paternity confidence match actual paternity? Evidence from worldwide nonpaternity rates. Current Anthropology 48, in press.
Amy Morin, 2016
Tarin Hillin, 2014
Sarah K, 2016http://www.thetalko.com/15-facts-about-cheating-men-you-probably-dont-know/
Static Brain Research, 2016, http://www.statisticbrain.com/infidelity-statistics/