We asked the BuzzFeed Community to share their most horrifying sex dreams. The responses were so funny and cringeworthy that I turned them into a "Would You Rather" game. GOOD LUCK.
Basically, which would you rather dream in EXCRUCIATINGLY VIVID detail?
The family affair:
"I was watching my mom and dad have sex, because, as my mom explained, I needed to learn how if I was ever going to get married."
The presidential encounter:
"Donald Trump and I were fucking. The end."
The family affairThe presidential encounter
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vote votesThe presidential encounter
The wily grandmother:
"I had a dream that I had sex with a grandmotherly aged woman on the top bunk of a bunk bed. She was probably in her late 70s, early 80s. I don't think it was anyone I knew, just a random, kind of generic old lady, but she was really feelin' it."
The X-rated fairytale:
"I dreamed all the Disney princes took turns fucking me — including the Beast."
The wily grandmaThe X-rated fairytale
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vote votesThe X-rated fairytale
The bladder mishap:
"I dreamed my boyfriend and I were getting pretty hot and heavy when suddenly I just started peeing everywhere. It was spraying out like a firehose and I had no control over it. He got grossed out and stopped and got up to leave, and I followed him, apologizing profusely but still pissing uncontrollably."
The bloody time:
"My partner was pegging me and my butt hole started gushing blood. Like so much blood that it flooded their apartment. They screamed in horror and then stopped, but the blood just kept coming and coming and coming."
The bladder mishapThe bloody time
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vote votesThe bloody time
The unholy appearance:
"I'm not religious, I don't go to church or anything. I just dreamt that the churchgoers from the church I went to as a child all had an orgy to organ hymns. At the end, Jesus appeared."
The hellish tryst:
"I had a dream that my ~lover~ was the devil himself. We're told that Satan would take on a form that would be 'tempting' and blah blah, so of course it makes sense that he was HELLA sexy! The real kicker, though, was that he was having sex with me because I, for some reason, was who he needed to birth the antichrist. I knew that he was sleeping with me with the goal of me birthing the literal spawn of Satan, but it seemed worth it to my dream self."
The unholy appearanceThe hellish tryst
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vote votesThe hellish tryst
The inter-species threesome:
"I was abducted by a centaur and Harry Potter. They threw me in the car and stripped me down. The centaur paddled me while I gave Harry a blowjob. After he came in my face, the centaur licked my pussy and then Harry rammed into me like a freight train. Then the centaur French kissed me. I remember waking up and having a sudden attraction to the centaur in Harry Potter!"
The villainous threesome:
"I dreamt that I had a threesome with Voldemort and Darth Vader in this super-dark, rough bondage and BDSM situation that ended in getting rammed with a lightsaber. Sorta freaky, sorta sexy."
The inter-species threesomeThe villainous threesome
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vote votesThe villainous threesome
The zombie antidote:
"I had a dream that I was in a zombie apocalypse and they had breached my house, so I met the leader of the zombies in the hallway, brought him to my room and we had sex while I tied back his head so he couldn't bite me. Then he became less zombie-like and I found out that the more I had sex with him, the more he became human."
The killer blob:
"There was a murderer in the high school. Turns out it was some sort of blob monster thing, and I had the opportunity to save the school by giving it a blowjob. Its dick was MASSIVE."
The zombie antidoteThe killer blob
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The far, far away encounter:
"A fully armored Boba Fett (yes, from Star Wars) was inserting different toys in me and teased me to orgasm while I was tied to the bed. Bizarre? Yes. Totally hot? Also yes. I haven't been able to watch the movies without blushing since!"
The turkey delight:
"One night I had an incredibly graphic sex dream about Henry VIII. Not the hot version played by Jonathan Rhys Meyers or even Damian Lewis. No. It was the gross, old, piggy-eyed Holbein portrait version of the real Henry VIII. I'm pretty sure he was eating a turkey leg at one point in my dream."
The far, far away encounterThe turkey delight
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The toy story:
"I was in a bathtub and trying to save drowning tiny green soldier toys and then one of them started fucking me with his tiny little dick? I woke up so confused and disturbed."
The sweet strap-on:
"I had sex with Winnie-the-Pooh, only I was giving, not receiving. Winnie-the-Pooh had helped me pick out a strap-on made out of honey."
The toy storyThe sweet strap-on
vote votesThe toy story
vote votesThe sweet strap-on