39 Questions We Have About Health At Hogwarts
There has to be a potion to take care of Firewhisky hangovers, right?
1. How do witches and wizards actually work out?
2. Is there even a gym at Hogwarts? Does the Room of Requirement turn into one for the students who really want to get swole?
3. Or is Quidditch the only choice of organized physical activity?
4. How good of a workout is Quidditch anyway? Like, it engages the core to stay on the broom sure, but is it enough to get fanfic-approved Quidditch AbsTM?
5. And are people encouraged to use Quidditch as a workout if they're not on a team? Like, are there recreational broom-riding classes à la SoulCycle that meet once a week to do rigorous ab work while flying laps around the pitch?
6. Do Houses go through phases where they try the newest fad workout together? At any given time are there groups of students attempting to do WizFit in their common rooms?
7. Do students just transfigure random objects into the weights and equipment at the school lacks?
8. Do overachievers do sprints on the moving staircases? Or make obstacle courses out of them? How many accidents has this caused?
9. Does dueling burn calories? Or spell work in general? Surely keeping your wand aloft for extended periods of time has to count for something?
10. How many Giant Squid-related accidents have there been due to students trying to swim laps for a bit of aerobic exercise? Has anyone ever fallen in when running around the lake?
11. Is any of this exercise even needed or can students just spell their way into being fit? Can you engorio muscles???
12. Are there performance enhancement spells or potions?
13. How's that regulated, anyway? Because Harry was certainly never randomly drug tested before a match with Slytherin.
14. Are there any mental health services available to students?
15. Seriously, how many students need therapy while studying at Hogwarts? Especially if they were there at the same time as Harry "Bring The Destruction And Tragedy" Potter?
16. Are there any medications for students who need them? Like antidepressant potions? Is there a bullshit stigma against those too like there is in the Muggle world? Like, if you need a potion to be happy it's not ~real~ happiness?
17. Is poor Madame Pomfrey forced to moonlight as the school therapist as well?
18. Are there particular mental illnesses that witches and wizards deal with that us Muggles don't? Do they impact how they can do magic?
19. WHERE WAS HOGWARTS GRIEF COUNSELING AFTER CEDRIC DIED? DID THEY BRING IN PROFESSIONALS TO DEAL WITH THIS OR WAS A SPEECH FROM DUMBLEDORE SUPPOSED TO BE ENOUGH?
20. How would Harry's life gone differently if he had gotten some help for his obvious PTSD post-Goblet of Fire? How many students desperately needed some PTSD resources after the Battle of Hogwarts?
21. Is there an underground black market headed up by a team of Slytherins and Ravenclaws who sell illegal study aid potions for seventh years freaking out about their N.E.W.T.s?
22. On that note, what kind of access do students have to illicit drugs and alcohol?
23. How easy is it for a bold Gryffindor to sneak a couple of bottles of Firewhisky back from Hogsmeade weekends? Are there hangover spells to help undo some of the damage?
24. Are Hufflepuffs the stoner House who have figured out which herbs from the greenhouse can totally be smoked? Do professors have to deal with students showing up to their classes high as a broom?
25. Are there Potions prodigies who brew up their own psychedelics?
26. How many fucked up students a year get dragged to poor Madame Pomfrey, who has the unsavory job of figuring out just what they ingested?
27. What do students do if they're allergic to the animals that run rampant around the castle?
28. Do they just have to suck it up and deal with the fact that half the students at school have their own personal cats? Are there allergy potions for that?
29. Do witches and wizards even have allergies?
30. Does one student with a peanut allergy come along every few years and ruin it for everyone in the Great Hall?
31. Speaking of food, are there healthy options available?
32. What about options for people with dietary restrictions? Do vegan witches and wizards have to put in special requests to the house-elves?
33. Does the Trolley Witch stock gluten free candy?
34. Is there such a thing as the First Year 15 thanks to the decadent Great Hall offerings?
35. Does Hogwarts even have sex ed?
36. If so, is it on Madame Pomfrey to teach the masses or do the Heads of Houses handle that in supremely awkward classes held in the common rooms?
37. If that's the case, where is our deleted scene of Professor Snape teaching the witches of Slytherin about the menstrual cycle?
38. Would sex-ed at Hogwarts be abstinence only or is there birth control available to students?
39. What's magical birth control like, anyway? Spells? Barrier method? Potion?
Actually, there are way too many sex-related questions we have, so that's a whole other post you can read here.