We recently asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us how they flirt, thinking we could get some ~tips~ that were worth sharing.
What we got instead was a big fat reminder that we are all useless creatures who don't flirt so much as stumble through the world hoping that the objects of our desire will magically divine that we're into them and flirt with us first.
So, instead of ~29 Tips For Being A Better Flirt~, here are a shit ton of confessions about """flirting""" that will make you feel called out. But hey, at least you're not alone.
Memes, hands down. I'm socially awkward AF, but I manage to bag 'em with my excellent taste in memes.
—Nicole Bryant-Bey, Facebook
I get drunk, hook up with them, and hope for the best. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I exist and hope my crush notices me.
I flirt by stealing food. Like a french fry here and there. I've received several death threats, so I need to get a new strategy soon.
My flirting strategy was always to find the Goodreads of the girl I had feelings for and then read some of her favorite books or post about reading them, hoping she’d talk to me about them. This has literally never worked, and the fact that I’m no longer single is continually shocking to me.
I always start with sarcasm. If they don't get that, they won't get me, and if they do get it, everything else will flow like honey ;)
My flirting usually consists of awkward giggles and shy smiles.
My go-to flirting style would be telepathy. First, I get all nervous and find it difficult, if not impossible, to talk to the flirtee. That’s when I launch the telepathy offensive and send a million messages in my mind to the flirtee, trying to get them to make the first move and ask me out. Occasionally I’ll combine it with some serious eye contact, which probably just comes across as creepy. I’m 41 and I can tell you that this flirting style has a success rate of exactly 0%.
The first week into my first semester at college, we were doing an activity to get to know our classmates. This guy was flirting a lot with me and eventually told me he would see me the next class. In response, I turned to him and screamed at the top of my lungs, “WELL YOU’LL BE HERE AND I’LL BE HERE SO WE WILL BOTH BE HERE,” and I turned and ran out of the room.
He dropped the class that week.
I'm one of those "when you look at me, I look away" types. And I sometimes stare. God, I wish I was better at flirting. #SingleForever
—Erin Boyle, Facebook
I was at a coffee shop with my dad and "uncle" (his BFF), and I thought the barista was really cute. So after I told her my order, I just leaned over and asked her, "How old are you and are you gay?" She said 18 and no, then proceeded to laugh. But she then started hitting on my uncle who flirted back a bit. My father and uncle laughed at me after we left. Needless to say, straightforward may not always be best.
Self-deprecating humor, sweating a lot, and a barrage of pop-culture references. I'm married so it worked at least a couple times, but man, I wouldn't flaunt it as a flirting style anyone should try.
—Molly Jane Sisson, Facebook
I’m more of a "wear a Star Wars shirt and hope they’re wearing a Star Wars shirt too" kind of gal. It makes me feel like we have some sort of weird connection — maybe, sort of.
Normal people flirting: Do you listen to hip-hop?
Me flirting: Do you cry in the shower to drown out your tears?
I "flirted" with my boyfriend before we even met by liking his Instagram pictures.
And, okay, there were a few people who actually do have some ~moves~ you might learn something from.
My go-to flirting technique is always to tease guys. It gives me a good sense of whether or not we’ll work. Like, can we joke around with each other?
Eye contact. That's all it takes. You make eye contact, linger just a liiiiittle too long, and that's all it takes to tell someone you're interested. Sometimes you can add a smirk or the quick look-away for added effect. It's been my move for 10 years running now. A classic.
I flirt pretty much entirely by controlling how much attention I give them. Have a friend, or someone else you're chatting with, and keep most of your attention on that friend, and then suddenly say something to the object of your affection. At the same time, make direct eye contact, and smile wide and genuine. Continue to give and take attention like that, based off of whether or not they respond to it the first time or two.
My favorite move was at bars in college. I would walk up to someone I thought was cute and say that they looked familiar, like maybe we had a class together, or they worked at the local mall too. Without actually trying, we would both try to figure out where we knew each other from, even though we were complete strangers. Worked every time.
If I was meeting someone at a party or hanging out, I’d slowly move closer to them. I’d always lean closer when talking, too. And if they were sitting on a couch, I’d sit on the arm of the couch and put my arm on the back of the couch behind them and slowly lean closer through the night. Almost always worked for me.
I'm super into astrology so I like to read a guy's astrological birth charts and find out his emotional baggage and how he works. If he's really handsome, I'll read his tarot cards or give him a really great arm massage.
—Gucio Marcin Jim Powęska, Facebook
If you are ever talking to someone over Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/Snapchat DMs and want to switch it over to texting so it's more legit, say, “This is killing all my data, what’s your number?” ALWAYS works.
And then, of course, there was the most popular answer to the question, "How do you actually flirt?"
I️ don’t LOL.
I don't flirt. People flirt with me.
—Kevin Hou, Facebook