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33 Kind Of Douchey Things All Introverts Are Guilty Of

Sorry, I can’t hang out. I was already social this week.

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1. Pulling off a flawless Irish exit and getting texts from confused friends once they realize you’re gone.

2. Canceling plans because your battery is drained, even if it’s last minute.

3. And making up a flimsy excuse for why you’re canceling when people won’t understand the real reason.

4. Turning down plans “because you were already social this week.”

5. And using your ~introversion~ as an excuse for not hanging out when really, you just didn’t want to.

6. Disappearing to bond with the resident animal at any given party.

7. Bugging the people you came to a party with about whether they’re ready to head out about an hour in.

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8. Taking forever to get ready because you have to talk yourself into getting ready first.

9. Going totally off the grid during the weekends instead of using it as time to see friends.

10. And isolating yourself for like a week as a reward after having two days of socializing in a row.

11. Responding “interested” to Facebook events you know you’ll never go to.

12. And pretending to consider plans you know there’s no way in hell will ever happen by asking follow-up questions like, “Ohh, maybe, what time?”

13. Ignoring your Uber driver, and making up for it by giving them five stars for the silent ride.

14. And considering knocking a star off from an otherwise fine Uber driver’s rating just because they were too chatty.

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15. Using headphones to keep other people from talking to you.

16. Mentally filing extroverts away as “small dose” friends.

17. Or secretly finding extroverts annoying, tbh.

18. Or piggybacking off of your extrovert friends’ plans so you don’t have to put legwork into socializing.

19. Getting cliquey with other introverts because they understand you best.

20. “Accidentally” showing up late and leaving early as part of a strategic plan to be somewhere as short as possible.

21. Getting slightly upset when people don’t invite you places because they assumed you’d say no — which you probably would have. BUT STILL.

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22. Being relieved when people cancel plans with you.

23. Actually celebrating when people cancel plans with you with an extra-indulgent night of all your favorite introvert activities.

24. Ignoring texts because you just Can’t with people.

25. And then pulling the whole, “Oh, I’m sorry, I just saw this!” when you text back, even though you saw it seven hours ago.

26. Politely trying to edge out of conversations that go on for way too long.

27. And straight up brushing off attempts at small talk, because you’re not going to waste your social energy on talking about the weather with Sharon from Marketing.

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28. Going to the bathroom during social events just to screw around on your phone and get a bit of a breather.

29. Missing updates on friends’ lives because you don’t see them as often as you probably should.

30. Pretending you have plans when really all you’re going to be doing is staying home by yourself.

31. Latching onto the One Person you know at a party.

32. And then not trying to socialize with anyone else once you lose track of that person.

33. Leaning hard into the introvert identity, even though you know it’s not an excuse for crappy behavior or even a defining personality trait of yours, BUT INTROVERT PRIDE, OKAY?