We asked the BuzzFeed Community how they improved their sex lives this year. Consider their answers your 2018 sex resolutions.
1. Don’t consent to sex you're not into just because it seems easier to get it over with. Period.
Honestly this seems like a no-brainer, but I can’t tell you how often I hear my friends tell me they have sex to please their partners when they really don’t want to have sex themselves. I’ve been guilty of this in the past, and the sex was never enjoyable under those circumstances. You usually just end up wanting it to be over quickly, and when you DO want to have sex, it comes so much more naturally and is so much more enjoyable.
2. And just...don't bother having sex with anyone who doesn't turn you the fuck on and make you feel like !!!!!
Don't have sex with someone who doesn't make your pussy wet. My ex-boyfriend was so sweet but I never got wet when we tried to have sex, and assumed I was the problem. Two years later, we had a horrible sex life and eventually broke up. The next person I started hooking up with made me realize that I wasn't the problem. Sex is so much better when you are googly-eyed attracted to the other person as well as sharing an emotional connection.
3. Be a little more selfish. It'll help you get out of your head a little.
I used to worry too much during sex, such as wanting to make sure we were both getting as much enjoyment as possible — to the point of it being burdensome. I would get worn out faster, and ultimately, he would get disappointed when I needed to stop. Eventually that led to me dreading sex and not being able to get aroused.
The thing that helped was basically just me being selfish. One night I decided not to ask him what he wanted, and instead focused on what made me feel good. I think that it's necessary to add that I didn't make him do the work to pleasure me.
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4. However many minutes of foreplay you think you need, double it.
5. Stop worrying that toys will ~replace~ a partner and incorporate them into your sex life.
6. Become a student of your sex life and take note of what turns you on the most.
I've become more confident and I've had better sex this year now that I know what I like and how I like being fucked.
7. Be open to what you can learn from new or different partners.
After being with my partner for six years, we agreed to an open relationship. Learning new things from different partners has completely renewed our sex life.
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8. Use safe words, even if you're not doing BDSM stuff.
Regardless of if you're tied down to your bed or pushing boundaries and trying something new, using safe words with your partner(s) really builds trust and makes sex feel better. Knowing that your partner(s) and you are safe and enjoying everything makes it all worthwhile.
9. Get comfortable with your own naked body! It's never going to look perfect, especially during sex.
People don't seem to realize how important it is that all the participants are comfortable with their own naked bodies. You're not going to enjoy yourself if you keep focusing on how many stomach rolls you have in this position right now or how your boobs look in doggy style. Hint: they're pointing downwards, no shit, now arch your back and enjoy.
10. Just try out that thing you're secretly intrigued by already.
It’s okay to explore your sexuality in all ways that intrigue you. Life is too short to not check off as much of your bucket list as you can before you die.
11. Or if you're not ready to jump in, do a lot of research and ask a ton of questions so you can feel more comfortable trying it.
I became curious about BDSM and researched my little heart out. More than some misguided 50 Shades fantasy, I wanted to know what would work for me and my wants/needs. I talked to people, joined some online groups and asked frank questions. I met someone whose kinks lined up with mine and allowed me to open up more about what I wanted. I'm still learning more every day, but none of that would have happened if I hadn't taken the time to educate myself first.
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12. Don't just speak up about what you want — speak up if you want your partner to stop doing something, too.
I don't hesitate to tell my boyfriend to stop doing that annoying thing with his teeth when giving me oral. It probably comes off as bossy sometimes, but I want to enjoy myself too so I don't hold back when expressing my wants and dislikes.
13. Master the basics, too.
Like a really good sensual kiss. It sets the tone.
14. Have more conversations about what you like and want *outside* the bedroom, too.
Really have serious, lengthy conversations about what feels good what you can and can’t do — things you could do differently — and have them frequently. Sometimes what feels good changes or you’ll want to explore and see if other things feel better. Being 100% open and comfortable is the key to having a good sex life.
15. That said, don't take sex too seriously, otherwise it just won't be fun anymore.
It's so much more fun when you can giggle at the awkward parts, and it makes the experience so much more intimate in my opinion.
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16. Masturbate! And be experimental in your masturbation so you can learn new things about what you like.
You literally cannot expect your SO to know your body unless you know your body yourself. Sex is about teaching the other person how to satisfy you, and vice versa. Play around, find out what works for you.
17. Pay attention to your partner's nonverbal cues to learn more about what they like too.
Pay attention. Obviously, everyone should talk and listen to their partners, but there is a whole nonverbal side of sexual communication that will say even more about how to keep everyone satisfied. Movement, breathing, skin flushing, arousal of certain erogenous areas, facial expression, muscle tension, etc.
There’s more to sex than just getting turned on and fucking until you come.
18. And, of course, put pizza rolls in the oven before you start so that when you’re done, you have a snack.
Follow along at BuzzFeed.com/NewYearsRevolution from Jan. 1 to Jan. 14, 2018.
