44 Things You Learn Very Quickly After Moving To NYC
'Cause knowledge is power.
1. There is no such thing as a no-fee apartment.
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2. Brooklyn and Queens really do have more space...
3. ...and Manhattan really doesn't have any. At all.
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*Unless you're rich.
4. If a packed subway rolls by, and you see an empty car, you didn't just make an amazing discovery.
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Stick with the herd.
5. The subway doors can and will close on you.
6. If you're going to need to take the G, you might as well walk.
7. Amazingly, EVERYONE in New York lives off the WORST subway line.
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8. Houston Street is pronounced "how-ston," not "hew-ston."
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9. A cab is only taking fares when the top is lit...
10. ...but even if the top is lit, that doesn't mean it will stop for you.
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11. The Hudson River = Jersey. The East River = Brooklyn/Queens.
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Also, the East River is EAST of Manhattan so, like, duh.
12. "East Williamsburg" is really just west Bushwick in disguise.
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13. LIC is not pronounced "lick."
14. At this point, Williamsburg really is just a caricature of itself.
15. Flatiron is both a building and a neighborhood.
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16. The Verizon logo is a filthy scourge on an otherwise pristine Manhattan skyline.
17. Calling someone "bridge and tunnel" is just about the worst insult there is.
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18. French Bulldogs and Chihuahuas exist in inconceivable numbers.
They're heeeere.
19. As do rats.
20. Thrift stores are not just for the thrifty.
21. Everyone single is on OkCupid...
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22. ...Or Tinder...
23. ...Or Grindr...
24. ...Or some other dating website/app/clandestine love portal.
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25. When in doubt, wear black.
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26. You will discuss the weather with no fewer than three people every day.
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27. When it's raining, moving from Starbucks to Starbucks is actually more efficient than carrying an umbrella.
28. You don't cook as much as you tell people you do.
29. New York water is the best tasting water...
30. ...which is why New York bagels are the best tasting bagels!
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31. Anything can be pickled.
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32. Seamless is the best thing ever...
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33. ...but will also be the cause of your ultimate demise.
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34. Waiting in line is for losers...
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35. ...unless it's at Trader Joe's.
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I mean...COOKIE BUTTER. AMIRIGHT?!
36. Whole Foods = Whole Paycheck.
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37. Personal space is a rare privilege.
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38. Slow-walking tourists are the worst.
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39. People will push you, physically and mentally: Every. Single. Day.
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40. Despite being surrounded by millions of people 24/7, you will feel inexplicably lonely sometimes...
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41. ...but at others, you'll marvel at just how many incredible people live in this city.
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42. So, what are you waiting for?
43. You live in New York!
44. Now, go take over the world.
