OK SO, you obviously don't know me but I've never watched the Bachelor/Bachelorette because I was too busy being an absolute nerd and reading, or watching Forensic Files (all of it, twice).
But now I'm bored and seeing all these articles and I heard Rachel is a star, so I figured I'd try it, and write down my unimportant thoughts!
Let's get this show on the road...
Here there be spoilers...
8. Girl no. Stop crying that rando dude I never heard of let you go and that's his problem, you find yourself some love and get moving on from that man.
9. I want her to be the happiest
10. Demarco booked Vegas tickets...? Kind of too confident in yourself, sir. Also wasteful, you aren't using those tickets in months.
11. This show does take months right?? They don't just hangout for a couple weeks then get married right?? Lord knows there better be a "buy me tampons"
and "what's that bump on my butt?" date, cuz' it ain't all rich trips and outtings.
12. OMG Her doggo. Her dog. Is Gorgeous. I want to marry them both please.
13. Kenney makes me scared bc big strong men intimidate 5 foot 2 me, but what a sweety with his little girl! I like himmmmm
14. Goodness Jack sounds like he should host a podcast. what a smooth voice!
15. Aw sad backstory boy Jack ALSO has a doggo!
16. I like the comment Alex's mom made about the ladies moving too fast, even though
17. Startup...? Nah, Mohit I hope Rachel doesn't fall for that.
18. All these people look rich AF and idk if I'm into it.
19. Lucas... what the fuck? I don't... get it?
20. Blake grunts weird and when I looked at him he got a 10 in my head, but then all the penis talk brought him to like... an 8.
21. ALSO why, if you a "PHD" in sex, do you only do it for a HALF an HOUR?!!! Foreplay man!! Take your time with your lovin'!
22. Hey Diggy... You look good in that shirt ;^) and ALSO another puppy! All the dudes with the doggos get my vote first. Gotta weed out the non-doggo lovers.
23. Josiah definitely wasn't on the phone with anyone in that intro
24. Aw but what a nice guy, those backstories get my heart love that "make her my wife" terminology he be using...
26. Lucas makes me uncomfortable in that Michael Scott in The Office way... second hand anxious embarrassment? No thanks.
27. Commercial Break: Marky Mark told me AT&T was good... too bad I'm already watching him via Verizon... syke!!!
28. Who are these women?
29. Oh cool, other bachelorettes! Are they all going to take her hand-me-down boys? Is that how this show works?
30. Girl, judge the costumed weirdos. Go on and do that.
31. Apparently Eric is the fav (EDIT: I've watched more and I've decided that isn't true)
32. Oooooh impure intentions? Fun, bring me that drama
33. Be excited!!!!
34. OMG WAIT... 31 GUYS?! I can't even handle two guys interested in me, like, snaps for you Rachel, you're more confident than I
35. Do married women watch this and dream about true love? Like, live your life. Make love happen for you
36. This show is for against marriage people like me who aren't lovey
37. Goodness this guy Peter... looking fine in that nice blue suit.
38. And soooooooo respectful!
39. Kenney got moves and made her laugh!! I love it. He my fav (EDIT: I'm on episode two, and that's still true).
40. Buns guy is gr8 bring me all the bread Daddy :3
41. 31 is too many cooks
42. All the cat calling is a super turn off but maybe I'm too hangry right now...
43. Marching Band man appeals to my long-forgotten band geek heart (shout out to my flute section!)
44. Jonathan! No tickling without CONSENT!
45. Alex was hi-larious with his vaccum hahaaaa
46. NO SCARY DOLL NO no no no no no no no no no no thanks. It's like that doll babysitting movie IRL I hate it ugh.
47. ...But the dolls confessionals are A+
48. Ambulance guy is cute
49. It's definitely raining men, honey
50. OMG LUCAS IS HERE
51. Stop stop stop talking about testicles, sir.
52. Lol his little title under his name is "Waboom" - boy, bye.
53. He's just here to sell his t-shirts. What a dumbass.
54. He's definitely an only child no sibling to slap some sense into him.
55. I HOPE HE DOESN'T STAY (EDIT: Unfortunately, he is still here on episode 2)
56. OHMYGoodness penguin guy is still in the costume -- did the guy wear any real clothes?!
57. Keep it real, very true Rachel.
58. Kenny may be my favorite actually...
59. Dean reminds me of a frat boy... in a bad way? But maybe he's better than that? The jury is out.
60. Creepy ass doll is so edgy omg I love his confessional he's so pure.
61. Bryan is very cute and very straight up - I approve of Bryan!
62. Oh wait shit stop makin' on the first meet! Geezum girl... event though... that's an A+ kiss I gotta say
63. Boys are so dramatic... I love it >:)
64. To be honest I'm not loving how they keep calling her their "wife"
65. 31 guys... an hour for each guy... that's... 31 hours??? No wonder they do group dates.
66. Mohit has had too many... mohitos (mojitos) ha ha ha
67. Peter showed her a shooting star I love it!
68. OK Lucas' commentary of Peter & Rachel's one on one was prettttty funny I must admit.
69. I agree with Bryce's "sad" funny comment tho it's trrrrue.
70. COMMERCIAL BREAK: Red Lobster needs to stop with these yummy foods ugh.
71. Stop with the low growl thing dude please...
72. Pretty Boy Pitbull Kenny King is really getting high on my list... and those "I'm all that and 20 bags of chips" guys are not.
73. Bryan got real kissy now he getting a rose... must have been a damn good kiss.
74. Gosh he gets right in there with his tongue.
75. Oooh ooooh rose ceremony! I've heard about this before!
76. Stressful AF
77. Jamey rubs me the wrong way
78. Whoa wait more than one guy goes home every time?? Is this just a first night thing or an all-the-time thing?? I love this drama
79. Honey send like, at least 15 home please. The crazy and the cookie-cutter need to go.
80. Lucas especially.
81. And growl guy.
82. And third grade trouble maker bc ew.
83. AND THE DOLL
84. Ok rose time...
85. yAY pETER! What a cutie I like him.
86. TBH I don't even remember Will.
87. And Eric kinda left my mind too
88. YAY Firefighter with that good hair.
89. KENNY CHOOSE KENNY
90. Fuck yeah
91. Yay for penguin man!
92. Brady? Who's Brady?
93. I like Diggy I'm happy to see more of his outfits
94. Alright 3rd grade camp kid is still here...
95. Lucas needs to go now though bye
96. Ok the doll is gone no more doll...
97. OOOOH One more Rose... please not Lucas, please not Lucas...
98. NO Girl, come on, I know it's TV but Lucas??? Really?
99. Bye bye cute glasses boy :'(
100. OK I guess I have some catching up to do! Let's see how long kaboom(?) boy lasts...