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Karl Pilkington Quotes From ‘An Idiot Abroad’ That Will Make You Laugh

Karl Pilkington: 'Karl thumps endangered species in the head.'

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1. The Great Wall of China according to Karl Pilkington

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‘I thought I’ve seen the Great Wall of China, which being honest with you is not the Great Wall it’s an ‘Alright Wall’ – it’s the ‘Alright Wall of China’’.

6. On Wildlife Conservation

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‘when I trip over it is just not safe if it kicks off and I have thump it in the head, I end up injuring it again I’d look like the bad man. Karl thumps endangered species in the head. At the end of the day if it comes out of me I would go at it and I’ll end being responsible for what happens and I have to kick its between the bollocks that’s what’s gonnah to happen. I’ll kick a panda on the bollocks if I have to.’

8. This wise protip on walking in Alaska

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‘Yeah sorted it. Yeah! You using a lot of my breath up if you keep saying ‘you alright’ I’ve got to say 'yeah', I’m using my breath up.’

9. Regarding Charity

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‘I give loads to charity, helping old people, deaf kids, save the kids. If anything, I’d say I’m single handedly causing the world’s population problem cause I’m saving everyone. I’m like Superman.’

10. Appreciating where you live

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‘There’s a woman with an axe, right erm and she’s not dressed erm wearing a stuff it’s like she didn’t want to join in. It’s mad isn’t it? No matter where you live, there’s a nutter.’

12. About life dreams

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‘If your dream is better than your life, what is the point? Your dream shouldn’t be better than your real life. Unless you’re sloth, cause then they’re asleep a lot aren’t they?

15. Complaining about Machu Picchu

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Stephen Merchant: ‘It’s accessible by eleven hour trek through the mountains.’

Karl Pilkington: ‘That’s not accessible is it.’

17. On superpowers

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‘I came up with one. I’d be bullshit man. There are so many meetings going on, where you know people are bullshitting. I’ll just like to walk in, I won’t need a special costume just dressed like this. I’ll fly in, I’d go bullshit. You’re talking bullshit. And they’d go ‘it’s bullshit man’. And I go yeah it’s bullshit man – you’re talking bullshit. And eventually people stop talking shit. Anything that is going on in the world, the bloke selling a car it’s knackered, and they’re gonna say it’s a great one. Bullshit.’

19. Ranting about Easter

Pilkipedia / Via pilkipedia.co.uk

‘Seems to be a big deal here Easter, whereas at home it’s just chocolate egg... They don’t have chocolate eggs here, I mean for me that’s what Easter is.'

20. When travel broadens the mind

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‘Every wonder I’ve been to, I’ve been whinging so I’m gonnah change my attitude on this one cause this is what this trip is all about.’

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