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Order A Coffee And We'll Tell You When You'll Have Sex Next

Want some cream with your coffee?

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  1. Pick your coffee:

    Drip
    Via Helmut-Seisenberger / Getty
    Drip
    Via Helmut-Seisenberger / Getty
    Espresso
    Via gilaxia / Getty
    Espresso
    Via gilaxia / Getty
    French Press
    Via ktasimarr / Getty
    French Press
    Via ktasimarr / Getty
  2. Any cream?

    jeremiahsphoto / Getty
    Cream
    2% milk
    Skim milk
    Half and Half
    Almond milk
    Soy milk
    None
  3. What about sweetener?

    Mario Tama / Getty
    Splenda
    White sugar
    Raw sugar
    Simple syrup
    Honey
    Stevia
    None
  4. Iced?

    TongSur / Getty
    Yep
    Nope
  5. Any flavoring?

    Vanilla
    Chocolate
    Hazelnut
    Caramel
    Peppermint
    Cinnamon
    None
  6. Do you need a cardboard sleeve for your coffee?

    talipcubukcu / Getty
    Yes
    No, I'm tough
  7. Pick a fancy latte art:

Order A Coffee And We'll Tell You When You'll Have Sex Next

You got: Tonight

Take a shower. Brush your teeth. You're getting laid tonight!

Tonight Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF
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You got: This weekend

You'll be rewarded for a tough week with some good, solid sexy time.

This weekend Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF
Universal Pictures
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You got: Next week

Just hold on a little bit longer. Sex is just around the river bend.

Next week Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF
Disney
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You got: Next month

Be patient. It'll be a few weeks but you're having sex soon, we promise.

Next month
Miramax
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You got: In 67 days

I know this seems crazy specific, but it's accurate. Set an alert in your phone. You're having sex 67 days from now.

In 67 days Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF
Dimension Films
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You got: On your next birthday

It might be a little while until you have sex again, but it will be a really good birthday present.

On your next birthday
NBC
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Every. Tasty. Video. EVER. The new Tasty app is here!

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