1. The second even a slightest tint of pink appears, you're automatically the “drunk Asian”
"Awwwh that's soooo cute." Hahaha. Fuck off.
2. "You're such a lightweight"
Um, when was the last time you got drunk off a cider? Probably never, so if you know it's not really possible to be THAT lightweight, then please stop calling me out on being "wasted." I'm not.
3. You're sick of hearing "Have you been crying?" after a sip of any form of alcohol
No I just go a little red in the face when I've had a drink.
4. And "Are you sure? You really do look like you've been crying? Are you okay?" is just getting boring now
Seriously I'm fine. I've only had a sip of beer and of course I'm off my bloody rocker.
5. You get jealous of others who show no sign that they've been drinking
Oh the shade is real.
6. Not only does your face now resemble a tomato you develop blotches and rashes all over your body
7. And that's not all, after a few more drinks your face is now hotter than the sun and the Sahara desert combined together
8. The problems don't just stop there, you also develop a shortness of breath
~Take my breath away~
9. You also experience an accelerated heart rate, which feels like your ticker is trying to escape from your chest
I'm having a heart attack! Oh no wait I've just been drinking.
10. You already feel a thumping headache coming on
Hangover already? Really? How is this possible? What is this witchery???
11. You've tactfully tried to drink water in between every alcoholic drink to try appease the Asian glow
But you end up going to the toilet 20 times in the last hour. Brb just going to wee. Again.
12. You've even gone to serious measures of putting on more make up to try and conceal this curse
Conceal, don't feel. Don't let them know.
13. You dread social situations where you have to drink
Be socially awkward? Or glow brighter than the red-light district?
14. You fear for your life when people want a photo together
15. You've even gone to the trouble of editing photos to make yourself look less red
16. People who don’t know you very well assume you’re just blushing profusely
17. And then you have to go through this whole ordeal of explaining why your face goes red when you drink
Well it all started thousands of years ago, us Asians have difficulty metabolising alcohol. True story.
18. You stand out like a sore thumb amongst all your friends
19. You feel super conscious and feel that everyone in the room is staring at you
20. You desperately seek something cold to cool down the burning molten lava that is your face
21. You've even gone as far as Googling cures for this problem
Cure or no cure, you drink through the redness and embrace the Asian flush with open arms
Because that's who you are, and you should be proud.
So next time someone calls you "drunk Asian" or mentions your Asian flush, just say: "I don't get drunk I get fabulous."