61 Thoughts I Had Watching The "Game Of Thrones" Season 6 Premiere
HE'S NOT DEAD, OK? (Spoilers ahead, obviously.)
1. Thank goodness for recaps, tbh.
2. Honestly would never get tired of watching Theon throw Ramsay's GF over the wall. Let's just have an episode of only that, over and over.
3. Oh yeah, Jorah gave everyone his magic herpes, too.
4. Also, fuck you, Olly. Still.
5. SEASON 6 Y'ALL! ROLL THEM REALLY LONG CREDITS!
6. The Bolton banner on the Winterfell model still greatly upsets me.
7. Nope, Jon's fine. He's gonna stand up any second now like, SIKE!
8. Ghost howling. 😢 😢 😢 😢 😢
9. They just left Jon's body there? Dick move on top of dick move.
10. Thank goodness for Ser Davos, the only person left here with an ounce of damn sense.
11. Oh no. Davos makes reasonable decisions and he's likable. Davos is totally going to die soon.
12. Is it just me, or did that blood stain look a bit like a dragon?
13. This show has me turning into a Reddit fan theory generator.
14. "Heard y'all have a dead body in here?" —Melisandre, probably
15. "I saw him in the flames, fighting at Winterfell." Well, Mel, your visions have been less than accurate thus far.
16. Honestly, shut the fuck up, Aliser Thorne.
17. Anyone else kinda getting a Trump vibe from Aliser Thorne? Like, it's not a stretch to imagine him saying, "These Wildlings, they're bringing drugs, they're bringing crime, they're rapists."
18. OH SNAP Davos is gonna recruit some Wildlings!
19. "She smelled of dog." Lovely eulogy, Ramsay.
20. "Feed it to the hounds?" Man, can they make Ramsay any worse?
21. Crossing an ice cold river? Theon, that's some Bear Grylls lunacy right there.
22. Honestly that made me feel cold.
23. "Jon is Lord Commander of Castle Black. He'll help you." Honestly can someone please send Sansa to the right place for once?
24. OH SHIT SON IT'S BRIENNE FUCK YES.
25. FUCK SHIT UP, BRIENNE.
26. GET 'EM, PODRICK.
27. POD GOT A BIG OL' SWINGIN' DICK AND CAN SWORD-FIGHT ON A HORSE TOO.
28. Stabbing in the back, eh, Theon? You're pretty good at that by now.
29. Honestly that's the best thing that's happened in the past 10 episodes.
30. Aww, Pod knows the little knight spiel.
31. Cersei is about to be really disappointed.
32. Incredible work from Lena Headey right there.
33. But, yeah, sorry. Still don't feel bad for Cersei.
34. Oh my god, Jaime's face when Cersei mentions the witch:
35. Margaery still having a rough time, I see.
36. "Oberyn laid with the most beautiful women alive." "And men." Hell yeah he did, that beautiful pansexual bastard.
37. Oh hell it's a Dornish coup!
38. Honestly was rooting pretty hard for someone in Oberyn's family to survive. RIP little prince dude. You seemed like an OK guy.
40. Tyrion time!
41. It's seriously so good to have Tyrion and Varys back together.
42. Ah yes, the great Jorah–Daario road trip of 2K16.
43. Just two bros bro-in' out, talkin' bout feelings and stuff.
44. Daenerys has a hell of a lot of self-control, not telling off those two douchebag Dothraki.
45. Is this an Abbott and Costello bit?
46. "Blue-eyed women are witches. It is known." I'm just going to qualify everything that I say from now on with "it is known" and no one will doubt me.
47. Ice cream has zero calories in it and I can eat all I want. It is known.
48. What's with the Dothraki comedy bits in this episode?
49. Anyone else noticing for the first time that Khaleesi is pronounced "haleesi" in the Dothraki dialect?
50. "It is forbidden to lie with a Khal's widow." Oh, well thank goodness you respect a dead man more than a living woman. I guess.
51. Poor Arya. But she could like, still heighten her other senses and fight crime, Daredevil-style?
52. I am not alone in this thought:
53. This girl is even meaner than Stick, though. Gonna be a rough training sequence.
54. Davos with the shaaaade!
55. Are we going to see some Melisandre magic today? Because I would be on board with Thorne getting stabbed by a shadow baby.
56. Well, she's getting naked, that's usually a sign that she's about to do something weird.
58. WHAT. WHAT.
59. Did Melisandre have a magical youth and beauty necklace? Did she just The Shining us just now?
60. Or Goethel from Tangled, if you prefer that reference. Maybe she's been singing to some hair.
61. Has she been around a long time, then? Melisandre's probably seen some shit.
62. And now, I leave you with this thought from BuzzFeed's own Jarrett Wieselman: