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This Is Why Hogwarts Is Actually The Worst School

Like, can I go to class for once without the fear of dying?

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J.K. Rowling revealed last week that Hogwarts is a tuition-free school.

@emmalineonline1 @micnews There's no tuition fee! The Ministry of Magic covers the cost of all magical education!

Hey, look at the Ministry actually doing something helpful for once!

That's great and all, but it doesn't change the fact that Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is the worst school ever.

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How, you ask, could a school that produced some of the greatest witches and wizards of our time (which TBH doesn't necessarily include Harry Potter), a school that teaches MAGIC, be a bad school?

First off, the school is filled with dangerous monsters.

Warner Bros. / Via doctorwhos.tumblr.com

There's a giant, vicious, three-headed dog, an aggressive troll, and a fucking BASILISK within this school's walls, and some of them were put there on purpose! By faculty members! You would think that if you had a giant snake that petrified people slithering about where there are 11-year-old children present, you would at least call the magical exterminators or something.

The rules are all kinds of dumb and dangerous, too.

Via rebekhaleesi.tumblr.com

Hey, you know that place with the nest of killer spiders? Let's send some first-year students out there with the groundskeeper who isn't even legally supposed to be able to do magic.

Yet despite the tough punishments and overblown security measures for students, apparently faculty aren't scrutinized at all.

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Let's see... over the course of Harry's time at Hogwarts, we had:

1) A professor who was an escaped convict in disguise.

2) A government worker who literally scarred her students with her punishments.

3) A completely unqualified teacher who REMOVED A STUDENT'S BONES FROM HIS BODY, GOD DAMN.

4) A professor who had the Dark Lord himself on the back of his head, hidden only by a turban. NBD.

Any of these situations could have been avoided with a simple background check, or like, paying any attention at all.

Hey, remember that time they hosted a tournament in which students could actually die?

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"We kidnapped your closest friends and family and tied them to cinder blocks underwater. Better hurry, tick-tock!"

Parents are given a little too much leeway as well.

Warner Bros. / Via totallyawesomegifs.tumblr.com

Remember when Lucius Malfoy was about to use the killing curse on Harry? He was literally seconds away from murdering a child. Maybe let's not let the former Death Eater just wander around the halls, armed with a deadly weapon.

Oh, and this too:

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But by all means let's give a Time-Turner to a third-year student that will allow her (and anyone else who gets their hands on it) to meddle with time and potentially make "awful things" happen.

The school also seems to go out of its way to make education inconvenient for students.

Warner Bros. / Via knowyourmeme.com

Exhibit A: Stairs that move around, confusing younger students.

Exhibit B: Belligerent portraits that sometimes don't let you into your own dorm.

Exhibit C: A book that you can't even read unless you pet the spine, which is not clearly stated anywhere.

Exhibit D: Ghosts that throw shit at you in the hallways.

Apparently Hogwarts is also totally cool with slavery.

Warner Bros.

It's glossed over a bit in the movies, but the books clearly state how the school uses house elves for free labor. Reminder: Harry joined Hogwarts in 1991. Way to go, guys.

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