A Ranking Of All 50 US States, Just Based On Vibes
Sorry, this is final.
Sorry, I just don't know what Arkansas does. Also, your name is just Kansas with a couple extra letters! Pronouncing it differently isn't fooling anyone.
Forgot it exists, tbh.
I hate to rank it this low because I hate to kick a state when it's down, but there's a reason why Alabama is the fill-in whenever anyone makes a joke about a state that doesn't have its shit together.
Oh, you thought you were getting off easy because of what I said about Arkansas, huh?
44. Rhode Island
Not an island. I don't like a liar.
Everyone I know who lives in St. Louis absolutely LOVES St. Louis. But let's be honest, that's pretty much all Missouri has going on, and it's riiiiiiight on the border.
There's nothing Oklahoma does that Texas doesn't do better, tbh. Also, while we're here: I know that if we listed every atrocity committed by the US government against Black and Indigenous people, we'd be here all day and every state would be ranked #50, but the Tulsa massacre was particularly horrendous and it was so swept under the rug that most of us didn't learn about it until Watchmen came out. So, think about that.
Too hot. An affront to God.
40. New Jersey
Too many rich people. Get outta here.
38. New Hampshire
The New Hampshire motto is "Live Free Or Die." And considering they're the only US state to not require seatbelts, it seems like they're leaning toward "die."
I'm not kidding, I had to add this in later when I realized I had forgotten all about Kentucky. I guess Louisville is pretty cool.
I feel like Indianapolis is an underrated city, based entirely on my viewings of the HGTV show Good Bones. Other than that, meh.
Thanks for the corn.
Thanks for the potatoes.
Maybe it's just me, but does anyone else feel like Mississippi has kind of a mystique to it? Like, what goes on down there? Do they still have old-timey riverboats? I bet they do.
31. South Dakota
There's a lot of natural beauty here. Mount Rushmore is dumb.
30. North Dakota
Some of the northern parts are pretty, and I guess so are the southern parts if you like deserts. Vegas is fun if you're either in your twenties or eighties, but not in between.
Very pretty, but it snows too much. Next.
Sorry, I don't eat crab cakes. Mostly an extension of DC, plus Baltimore.
Mostly an extension of DC, plus plantations. But if you're into US history, here ya go.
25. South Carolina
24. North Carolina
Ever been to Asheville? That place is hella cool.
Atlanta is a heck of a city. Everything's way too humid, though.
22. West Virginia
Gets bonus points purely for being in "Take Me Home, Country Roads," which we should adopt as our national anthem.
Boston should be a cool city with all its history, but you gotta recognize that when the term "Mass-holes" exists...
I absolutely KNOW Montana is beautiful. I also went to a rodeo there once where it kicked off with the Pledge of Allegiance and the announcer said "UNDER GOD" in a threateningly pointed way. I might just stick to the national parks.
Gorgeous, but I don't know how anyone deals with A) the snow, B) how remote it is, and C) the complete loss of your circadian rhythm thanks to the extended periods of sun or darkness.
Has Seattle. Can hop over to Vancouver. Rains a bit too much.
Let's be honest: The whole state is pretty much just Chicago. But Chicago is a pretty cool city!
14. New Mexico
Some spots in New Mexico have cool vibes, like Taos. Other spots are Albuquerque. I mean, Breaking Bad was set there. That's a plus and a minus, ya know?
Sure, we've probably all said "Florida sucks" at some point, but Miami, Disney World, and all the entertaining "Florida Man" headlines have to be worth something.
Nashville! Whiskey! This place is like someone just threw up Americana all over.
New Orleans is a truly unique city and feels like no other place in the US. There's also this sense that you could drive into the Bayou and just disappear. Or maybe True Detective just scared me.