If you haven't heard, Chrissy Teigen has a show on the new Quibi streaming service in which she solves people's disputes. In anticipation, she decided to solve a few petty arguments on Twitter, and the results are...enlightening.
tomorrow, I'll be settling all your petty ass disputes. use this time to get your case together and tag me, your honorable judge, with your case using #ChrissysCourt!!
Like, here's Chrissy's official ruling on the "is a hot dog a sandwich?" argument:
a hot dog is a hot dog which is a species of sandwich https://t.co/7NW14I1gVR
And it turns out if you include your roommates in your FaceTime calls without asking them first, you're getting your butt thrown in jail:
I *HATE* when people do this. jail time. #ChrissysCourt https://t.co/PHv21MjgjH
She hath decreed that small trash cans MUST go inside cabinets (I disagree, because then sometimes you have to open a cabinet while holding trash, so your trash-hands touch the handle).
both absolutely insane options. I need it to go inside a cabinet, court will pay for shelf removal https://t.co/B2paQjcSO0
It turns out that butter outside the fridge is A-OK, but it MUST be covered in a dish. No plastic-wrap half measures.
Butter out in a covered BUTTER dish is fine. Butter out with any kind of bowl/plate situation with foil or Saran Wrap is NOT FINE #ChrissysCourt https://t.co/BMXMrBkfk9
(Side note: What did this guy mean when he said "my wife moved in with me for the first time"?)
Rewinding a movie due to your own mistakes (lack of attention, falling asleep, chatting) is grounds for divorce. Sorry, Chrissy says so.
I am your fiancé but I also married a rewind-til-death guy. U are going to have to leave him. https://t.co/zE7wbu4yHT
This is the best orientation for eating a Pringle (I agree, but be careful because you might cut the roof of your mouth a little).
I do it like this too! I like my tongue sticking to just the center bridge and the nice crunch destruction of the edges when I clinch #ChrissysCourt https://t.co/enjtQ3tx49
Neighbors are allowed to have loud sex on weeknights in these trying times. Not sure if this is a perennial ruling or an emergency judgment for quarantine time:
let them sex! #ChrissysCourt https://t.co/00w4OJlIaO
The only time Chrissy seemed unsure about a ruling was this one about opening the microwave door without pressing "stop" first:
I uhhhhh, do not think you are letting the radiation out but why not just hit stop/cancel so it's like it being done and the uhhhh radiation turns off I guess I don't fucking know https://t.co/2ZiSFpHB7r
(By the way, this is fine — here's a good explanation.)
TBH, the highlight of the entire exercise is seeing this woman's incredible toilet paper tombs:
1. You do what makes you happy, girl. 2. Are u okay https://t.co/2mYDjEhKhW
Anyway, you can check out more rulings on Chrissy's Twitter. And if you and your roommate/S.O. can't figure out where to put the trash can, now you have an answer.
