59 Thoughts I Had Watching This Week's "Game Of Thrones," Including "That's A Sexy-Ass Zombie"
Also known as the episode where I enjoyed an execution way too much. SPOILERS!
1. This week's episode is called "Oathbreaker." Opposite of the name of Brienne's sword, "Oathkeeper."
2. That title can't be a good sign, right?
3. Honestly with all the "R + L = J" hype, I forgot for a minute that JON SNOW IS BACK and now I'm excited all over again.
4. That's right, Ramsay. Say goodbye to those House Bolton banners on the little Winterfell model in the opening credits. Jon Snow's gonna kick your pasty, sadistic ass.
5. (I hope.)
6. Dude looks great for having been mostly dead all day.
7. Jon's first words: "They stabbed me." Yeah dude. Like, a lot.
8. "Olly put a knife in my heart." YEAH GO GET HIM HE SUCKS.
9. "I shouldn't be here." Yeah you should! We like you. You're cool.
10. Ooh, rough. Melisandre just wanted to hear there was a nice, fiery heaven Jon. You couldn't give her that?
11. Davos, speaking the truth:
12. Davos is wise AF, y'all.
13. TORMUND. Now is not the time for dick jokes.
14. I take it back. Anytime is the time for dick jokes.
15. Always here for Gilly and Sam!
16. Aww, Sam gets seasick.
17. Sam, have you not learned yet that you can't just send Gilly off places?
18. That looks an awful lot like the Tower of Joy. Flashback time!
19. Hi young Ned Stark!
20. We about to see some ass-kicking from Ned, y'all.
21. OH FUCK, Arthur Dayne is dual-wielding broadswords. That's hardcore.
22. Damn, they were not kidding about this guy being good.
23. Honestly, props to the stunt team and choreographers here.
24. Oh Howland, that was not honorable.
25. NO COME ON. We've been waiting for this, Three-Eyed Raven! Show us the tower!
26. Ugh, feeling Bran's annoyance right now.
27. Time for Dany to go to widow prison, I guess.
28. Doesn't seem like a fun place.
29. Great, so her fate is in the hands of a bunch of ponytailed macho jerks having an entmoot.
30. Honestly I'd be nervous about an interrogation from Varys.
31. THAT'S RIGHT GIRL VARYS KNOWS SHIT.
32. And now, awkward silences with Grey Worm!
33. I've never seen Tyrion this uncomfortable and he was literally fighting in a battle that one time.
34. "Maybe we can't play without drinking." Same, Tyrion. Same.
35. Varys' little birds were kids? Dang.
36. Do not insult the giant armor-wearing zombie, Jaime.
37. So, am I a bad person for kinda rooting for Cersei now?
38. BRB, pouring a glass of wine in her honor.
39. It's a bottle of Malbec that I uncorked three days ago, so it probably tastes the way the wine in Westeros tastes. You know, like it might kill you.
40. Classic bit:
41. OH HELL YES Lady Olenna time.
42. The shaaaaaade at this table.
43. Tommen's face is all of us when he have to listen to the High Sparrow ramble on:
44. Poor Arya's having to do all this training without even having the benefit of a chemical accident.
45. Ooh, she's getting good though!
46. ARYA FOR DARDEVIL 2016.
47. NELSON AND MURDOCK AND STARK, AVOCADOS AT LAW.
48. Oh wait nvm.
49. Well thank goodness, she was getting a lot of bruises.
50. Fuck you still, Ramsay.
51. Honestly, pretty satisfying to hear this guy talk shit to him though.
52. NO, OSHA AND RICKON.
53. Ugh. This is not good.
54. And Shaggy Dog is dead??
55. Jon better get here soon.
56. Alliser Thorne and Olly in one execution? It must be my birthday!
57. If only we could add Ramsay on here.
58. I should not be enjoying this but I AM. God help me, I am.
59. WHOA. Jon Snow just pulled one of these: