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    May 2, 2017

    Disney, If You Don't Release "National Treasure 3" Soon I'll Break A Window Or Something

    I swear to God I will.

    Disney... hello. Welcome. Please take a seat.

    nyul / Pavel Potapov / Getty

    I know you're probably pretty busy with Star Wars and all your fancy-shmancy live-action remakes, but I wouldn't bring this up if it weren't important.

    National Treasure — you familiar?


    Well just in case, allow me to refresh your memory.

    Many many moons ago, way back in the ancient times of 2004...

    Frank Micelotta / Getty Images released a movie that wasn't a sequel, a reboot, a remake, OR a comic book adaptation.


    It was like if the Da Vinci Code and your grade school American History textbook had a baby, and that baby was starring Nicolas Cage.

    Imagine Entertainment

    Sounds amazing, right? Well there's more.

    Cage plays a man named Ben Franklin (hell yes) Gates, cryptologist, treasure hunter, noted artifact thief, and good idea haver.


    BFG is absolutely bananas for treasure. The man will do pretty much anything to get his hands on some of it. And when I say anything, I mean ANYTHING.


    Oh and treasure? That shit is everywhere. Close your eyes and open your history book to any page — boom, there's treasure there.


    The Statue of Liberty's big toe? There's definitely treasure there.

    But wait, it gets better.

    Over the course of two movies, Ben and his buddies commit multiple felonies and some good old fashioned treason, all in pursuit of sweet, sweet American treasure.


    Check out this million dollar idea Ben cooks up in National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets:


    And somehow these rascals never seem to get in any real trouble, even though they're constantly getting caught by this guy, who must be terrible at building cases.


    Spoiler alert: Ben doesn't go to prison.

    So obviously these movies rule. It's 2017 and there should be 20 National Treasures by now. But sadly, there are only two.

    And speaking of the sequel...

    At the end of National Treasure 2, the President (post kidnapping) pulls Ben aside and asks him if he saw page 47 in ~the Book of Secrets~. To which Ben replies, "I think I can help you with that, sir."


    This is me looking closely at that scene. My conclusion: it's a promise — yes, a PROMISE — of a third movie.

    Koichi Kamoshida / Getty

    Now here's the part that really makes me seethe: That was 10 years ago — 10 damn years!

    IMDB / Via

    HA, wow. This must be some sort of sick joke, right?


    Well I personally can't take it anymore.

    Disney, do you see this window? It'd be a real shame if somebody broke it, wouldn't you agree? Here's how to save it: announce National Treasure 3.

    nyul / LordRunar / Getty

    I am not joking around right now.

    Before National Treasure, you never heard anybody talking about stealing the Declaration of Independence. Now everyone wants to do it.


    So please, Disney, do the right thing. Give the people what they want...

    ...and for the love of God, save this window.

    LordRunar / Getty

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