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Bartender: I’m cutting you off. only water from now on Jesus: [sarcastically] oh no
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[God making coconuts] ANGEL: Hair on the outside? GOD: Yes ANGEL: Milk on the inside? GOD: Yes ANGEL: So, this is another mammal? GOD: [taking bong rip] lmao, no
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*creation of the kangaroo* God: Okay so the deer was a big hit let’s work off that Angel 1: What if it could carry it’s offspring with it for protection God: Okay that’s kind of weak Sharon but we’ll add it Angel 2: What if it could kick the shit out of you God: There it is
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Catholics: why should we make you a Saint? Patrick: I uh... I got rid of all the snakes in Ireland Catholics: ... Ireland doesn't have snakes St. Patrick: *uncorking communion wine* ya ur fuckin welcome
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me: "we commemorate the day you died every year" jesus: "thats nice, what's the day called?" me: jesus: me: jesus: "keith?" me: "bad friday"
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god [creating the grapefruit]: another citrus angel: like a lime? g: bigger a: a lemon? g: bigger a: an orange? g: i said bigger a: sweeter too? g: no like battery acid and sharts a: poison so they don't eat it? g: no make it the healthiest one
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How I think I look talking about Jesus vs how I actually look
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