As common as intrusive relatives are, they can be particularly hard to manage, because your family connection to them may make their presence already pretty large in your life. But that doesn’t mean they have a right to know more than you’re comfortable sharing. It’s your life.
It can be helpful to reflect upon their intentions, not only because it will help you empathize and connect with this person, but also because it will help you make your point in getting them to back off: they are defeating their own purpose by being intrusive. Maybe they’re asking when you’re going to get married or pregnant because they want to bond about it, or they’re just excited to have a niece, nephew or grandchild to love. Or they ask financial questions because they want to know you’re doing okay living independently, or maybe because they themselves are feeling very insecure about their place in life.
Sometimes, of course, the intrusion comes from a far less understanding place: they want power over you, they think you don’t deserve privacy, or they want to give unsolicited advice. Still, by giving the intruder the benefit of the doubt, you can more easily nudge them into submission.
Here's what you can say to get your point across:
• Deflection: “I know you seem really interested in that, but I’m not thinking about that right now. So, how about [change of subject?]”
• Humor: “Oh, don’t worry, you’ll be the first to see the ultrasound/next year’s tax returns.”
• Simplicity: “Oh, that’s too personal for me to answer.”
• “I know you’re just asking that because you want me to be happy, but it actually catches me off guard and makes me unhappy. So, I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t ask that anymore.”
• “I understand you want to talk about that to try to connect, and I really do want to connect with you. But that makes me feel farther apart from you because I get frustrated and feel uncomfortable.”