1. A bacon-scented mustache available in a "extra manly" shape. Please remember that the mustache is not edible.
2. A book that deserves to be hailed as the Romeo and Juliet of this generation.
3. Temporary tattoos for the person who may Poe-tentially get a real one. These are great for those too nervous to commit.
4. A garden gnome adored by his friends. They all love and admire his cheeky personality.
5. A bottle stopper guaranteed to preserve your wine. This chicken is known for being egg-cellent at its job.
Get it from Amazon for $10.43.
6. Giant microbe plushies so adorably contagious, they'll get you sick immediately. Lovesick, that is.
7. An iron-on patch you may want to turn over to the authorities. It could be an important piece of evidence.
8. A rubber purse you should avoid traveling with. It absolutely refuses to cross the road.
9. A coloring book trying to normalize issues of flatulence within the magical creature community.
10. A research kit to help you search for a Sasquatch. You'll track one down in no time.
11. A pen holder you cannot touch. It's a crime scene! Leave the pen alone! You'll contaminate the evidence!
12. A giant gummy that's part of a balanced diet. Always remember to eat the recommended dose of oats and brains.
13. An inflatable eye you can throw around at the beach! In your yard! At your annoying friends! It is a ~ball~ after all.
14. Animal undies from a company that missed out on a huge opportunity by not offering this product in a donkey print.
L O L.
Get them from Amazon for $8.99+ (available in three prints and sizes S–L).