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Welcome to another edition of “Can You Get Through This Post Without Spending $50?”
I am your host, AnaMaria. This game is simple: Try to make it through this entire post without taking out your credit card.
Don't need to buy anything? No worries! Scroll through and enjoy my sense of humor. (Disclaimer: I've been told in the past that I'm not funny.)
The following products will be riddled with puns, song lyrics, various movie references, and potential Instagram captions.
Come up with a better line? Drop it in the comments below! I DO READ THOSE!
1. A supernova sphere with four different lighting effects. It's been known to make owners say, "zoom zoom zoom..."
2. Cookie cutters designed to withstand even the biggest of asteroids. No extinction, or your money back!
3. Glass votives designed to spark your inner flames of knowledge and wisdom.
My upcoming puns may not be quite as good as Jeff's, but that's all relative.
Who's afraid? Not me.
Get them from Amazon for $12.95. / Available in 10 different characters.
4. Poe-ka dot socks known to do strange things, like complain about bells. Very good friends with an Annabelle Lee.
5. A measuring-spoon set that's ALWAYS running errands. It claims to be going to the market, but I don't know.
6. A hatching candle designed to trick Khaleesi; tell her you'll return her dragons in exchange for the Iron Throne.
7. A nail polish holder guaranteed to spare your duvet from any spills. No more "Wicked" on my bedspread!
8. Snorlax slippers that never fight in battle because they're perpetually asleep. Thanks for carrying all the weight, Pikachu.
9. A bath soap related to Benny from Halloweentown. I think they're like second cousins or something.
10. Earrings explicitly referenced in Gnash's hit song, "i hate u, i love u." Ironically, this is how I feel about the song itself.
11. An LED night-light that will make your room look like it came straight from a movie Seine.
12. An iron-on patch for people who think space is a safer place. Understandable.
Add a little something extra-terrestrial to your boring basic tee.
Get it from Amazon for $3.79.