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    17 Amazing "Series Of Unfortunate Events" Products That Count Olaf Would Want To Steal

    Amazing: a word which here means "interesting products inspired by the sad tale of the Baudelaire orphans".

    We hope you love the products we recommend! Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

    1. Fridge magnets to adorn the home of VFD: Very Fresh Dill. You know, the one located in the Mortmain Mountains? In the Valley of Four Drafts?

    Get a set of five from ChopShop Books on Etsy for $10.

    2. An autobiography chronicling the dreadful life of one Lemony Snicket, who was last seen combing through an abandoned sawmill in an undisclosed location.

    Although one lead says that this sawmill was located near Paltryville...

    Promising review: "I got this book yesterday and can't put it down! It has the same writing style as the original series, which makes me very happy. It's fascinating and a great book, especially if you are curious about the Snicket family and VFD." —Amazon Customer

    Get it from Amazon for $6.99.

    3. A supersoft hoodie featuring four different people, only one of which is Count Olaf. Obviously. I only see one long eyebrow.

    OH! And hate zip-ups? No worries! This is also available in a pullover style.

    Get it from Helsinki on Society6 for $46.99 (available in sizes S-XL and in 10 colors).

    4. Enamel pins sourced from the remains of Caligari Carnival located in the Hinterlands. They were found near what was once the lions' pit.

    Get a set of three from Pinny Dreadful on Etsy for $22.50.

    5. A collection of thirteen letters between two people stolen from the Snicket File. Who the correspondents were is none of your concern. Now go back to reading The Littlest Elf.

    Okay, fine! The letters are between Lemony Snicket and Beatrice. OKAY?!

    Promising review: "This book is a perfect supplement to The Series of Unfortunate Events series. It gives the readers a preview of who Beatrice was, as well as what happened to the Baudelaires after they left the island. Definitely a must-read!" —Bookworm

    Get it from Amazon for $11.01.

    6. A coffee mug featuring a secret code you must know in order to board the Queequeg. Captain Widdershins will not let you in otherwise.

    Get it from Debcu Studio on Etsy for $18.59+ (available in four sizes).

    7. A relaxed tee featuring a recipe THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT AS GOOD AS ROAST BEEF. I guess my theatre troupe will just have to STARVE now.

    Get it from Nasty Gal for $18 (originally $30, available in sizes S-L).

    8. A locket necklace to keep photos of your darling Beatrice near you at all times. Oh Beatrice...

    Get it from Hot Topic for $7.92 (originally $9.90).

    9. A lined commonplace book perfect for writing down poetry and recording scraps of information: secret codes, sugar bowl location leads, etc.

    This book is also strewn with several illustrations and quotes, as well as a few black-and-white stickers. Just be careful: you wouldn't want this falling into the wrong hands.

    Get it from Amazon for $19.99.

    10. Temporary tattoos you may want to place on your left ankle. Because tattoos of eyes on your left ankle are overrated, am I right?

    Get a set of six from ElvenChronicle on Etsy for $7.97.

    11. A pendant necklace featuring nothing but the damn truth. (Or, if they're not carrying a book, at least a Kindle. SOMETHING.)

    Not into necklaces? You can get this pendant as a keychain instead. Woo!

    Get it from Black Magick Factory for $10 (available in four finishes).

    12. A graphic tee so comfy, it'll make trips up and down the stairs seem less daunting. Just in case you live in a penthouse apartment and the (ersatz) elevator is out of service.

    Get it from Hot Topic for $18.32+ (available in sizes XS-3X).

    13. A bookmark to ensure that you're always getting lost in a book. Because "wicked people never have time for reading. It's one of the reasons for their wickedness.”

    And you don't want to be wicked, do you? Unless you prefer being on the wrong side of the schism, I guess...

    Get it from Seal Stitchery on Etsy for $2.

    14. An iPhone case featuring a fact of life not forgotten by Mr. Snicket — and one that you should remember, too.

    “At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe that there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. and what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey.” —also Lemony Snicket

    Get it from Doodle by Meg on Society6 for $35.99 (available in sizes iPhone6-iPhoneX).

    15. Stickers that could be used to decorate commonplace books, crab-ridden shacks, submarines, etc.

    Get it from Keaton on Etsy for $2.69+.

    16. A t-shirt you'll want to wear while inventing, reading, or biting. Ribbons, glasses, and sharp teeth unfortunately not included.

    Get it from BoxLunch for $23.12 (available in sizes XS-2X).

    17. And finally, The Complete Wreck: all thirteen, despair-ridden books from A Series of Unfortunate Events.

    I have read this series about 908 times and I will never, ever, ever, ever get sick of it.

    Get it from Amazon for $108.

    My credit card right now:


    The reviews in this post have been edited for length and clarity.

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    Allison Krausman / BuzzFeed