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1. Fridge magnets to adorn the home of VFD: Very Fresh Dill. You know, the one located in the Mortmain Mountains? In the Valley of Four Drafts?
2. An autobiography chronicling the dreadful life of one Lemony Snicket, who was last seen combing through an abandoned sawmill in an undisclosed location.
3. A supersoft hoodie featuring four different people, only one of which is Count Olaf. Obviously. I only see one long eyebrow.
4. Enamel pins sourced from the remains of Caligari Carnival located in the Hinterlands. They were found near what was once the lions' pit.
5. A collection of thirteen letters between two people stolen from the Snicket File. Who the correspondents were is none of your concern. Now go back to reading The Littlest Elf.
6. A coffee mug featuring a secret code you must know in order to board the Queequeg. Captain Widdershins will not let you in otherwise.
7. A relaxed tee featuring a recipe THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT AS GOOD AS ROAST BEEF. I guess my theatre troupe will just have to STARVE now.
8. A locket necklace to keep photos of your darling Beatrice near you at all times. Oh Beatrice...
9. A lined commonplace book perfect for writing down poetry and recording scraps of information: secret codes, sugar bowl location leads, etc.
10. Temporary tattoos you may want to place on your left ankle. Because tattoos of eyes on your left ankle are overrated, am I right?
11. A pendant necklace featuring nothing but the damn truth. (Or, if they're not carrying a book, at least a Kindle. SOMETHING.)
12. A graphic tee so comfy, it'll make trips up and down the stairs seem less daunting. Just in case you live in a penthouse apartment and the (ersatz) elevator is out of service.
13. A bookmark to ensure that you're always getting lost in a book. Because "wicked people never have time for reading. It's one of the reasons for their wickedness.”
14. An iPhone case featuring a fact of life not forgotten by Mr. Snicket — and one that you should remember, too.
15. Stickers that could be used to decorate commonplace books, crab-ridden shacks, submarines, etc.
16. A t-shirt you'll want to wear while inventing, reading, or biting. Ribbons, glasses, and sharp teeth unfortunately not included.
17. And finally, The Complete Wreck: all thirteen, despair-ridden books from A Series of Unfortunate Events.
My credit card right now:
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