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30 Reasons I Still Love Spongebob At Age 30

Spongebob Squarepants is arguably the best show on television. No, not just the best animated show, or the best kids' show, the best, period. (Sorry, Breaking Bad!) In fact, I would argue that the show is as much for adults as it is for kids. Here's 30 reasons why I'm a 30-year-old Spongebob fan.

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1. Sandy Cheeks


I don't think Sandy gets enough credit for her role. As the show's primary female character, she has a lot of responsibility in undertaking the representation of that demographic. As it is, Sandy is an air-breathin', karate-choppin', rocket-buildin', guitar-strummin', southern-drawlin' inventress who don't take crap from no one! This is the sort of feminist character adults can get behind!

2. Sleep-Walking Hibernating Sandy

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Sandy's hibernation antics add up to more than their face value. Her behavior, coupled with some choice responses by Spongebob and Patrick, suggest that this state in fact mirrors that of a menstruating woman. Once spring finally comes, Sandy returns to her normal, docile, caring demeanor. But during hibernation, she's mean and bloated like "an over-inflated Sandy doll." Approach with caution.

3. Buff Sandy

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Sandy's physical appearance has always consisted of polarizing images of gender conventions. While she generally sports a bikini and a hawaiian flower atop her helmet, she is often portrayed as muscular and athletic in traditionally masculine ways. This, however, is merely the tip of the iceberg for the gender-bending present in the show.

5. Naked Sandy

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For a "kids' show", it happens a little too often. I mean she's already only wearing a bikini. Take away the fur and it begins to look more like underwear or lingerie. And look, even animated male fish can't help but objectify a disrobed lady.

6. The "Stupid Squirrel"

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If you're a yankee and you closed your eyes and heard a southern accent, let's face it, this is what you'd picture. Sandy has a way of slapping you in the face with your own bigotry.

8. Mr. Eugene Krabs

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Mr. Krabs' thrifty antics are a continual source of entertainment throughout the show. What's really funny, however, is that there is a little Eugene in all of us, and we can certainly glimpse representations of our American capitalist society in his desperate quest for every last cent available to him. Remember, when hanging out with crabs, "don't lend anybody money!"

He is also a crab in a bikini bottom, so do with that what you will.

9. Cashy

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Mr. Krabs got him "when he was just a little calculator." Now a fully developed cash machine, the cheap crustacean's relationship to his inanimate register is bizarre. Cashy is nearer to Krabs' heart than his own daughter is!

Which reminds me...

10. Pearl Krabs

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How did it come to be that Mr. Krabs has sired a whale? What ever happened to Mrs. Krabs? Even the residents of Bikini Bottom are forced to ponder over these lingering questions. I think an oil spill or toxic dump is somehow responsible for this biological impossibility.

11. Krabs in Drag

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Eugene is no stranger to bouts of transvestitism. Though his intentions when donning a gender-bending frock are scarcely pure, he at least comes away with one important understanding of the female sex: "Being preggers sure is hard!"

13. The Panty Raid

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Mr. Krabs being caught raiding his own mother's underwear drawer is one of those turn-your-head-and-cringe moments. But he derived an unmistakable thrill from breaking and entering into an old woman's home and surreptitiously perusing her oversized bloomers. A risquée move for Nick.

14. Krabs' Life of Krime

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Did you forget about the time that Mr. Krabs believed he'd killed the health inspector? You remember what his instinctive reaction was? That's right. To cover it up. Bury the body by the old cemetery and then stow the dirty shovel in the freezer at the Krusty Krab. Don't judge him too harshly, though. You would've at least considered trying to get away with it.

15. Krazy Mr. K

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Krabs is always teetering on the verge of a mental breakdown. Why, you ask? A long life of entrepreneurship has nearly killed him! He's been hospitalized numerous times for stress. He is also racked by senility and is always the butt of some punk kid's 'old timer' jokes. It's actually a fairly accurate reflection of western society's views of the geriatric population.

16. Squidward Tentacles

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Overcome with a passion for art and culture, yet trapped within the confines of small-town mentality, Squidward is the nearest representation of the homosexual population present in Spongebob (though the show is certainly rife with suggestive humor in that regard). Ever on the hunt for someone with whom to share these passions, Squidward is a heart-breaking reflection of gay life in a small town. And it's pretty lonely.

20. Suicidal Squid

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Don't tell me you forgot about the time that Squidward tried to kill himself! Well, that's not exactly how it happened. But the rescuing of a burnt soufflé from the oven, and the ominous stringing up of a birdcage certainly suggest a darker meaning behind these innocent actions.

22. Star-of-the-Stage Squid

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He's always had a penchant for stagecraft, but when Squidward perfectly mimes the choreographed Boys Who Cry number," 4-Ply," he best conveys what it is that we love about this sensitive performance artist...and about boy bands in general.

23. Patrick Star

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Parhaps Patrick is the antithesis of Squidward. If Squidward represents broad-mindedness in a small town, then Patrick is the very image of contentment within that world. The languidly-moving and equally slow witted Patrick is American laziness and stupidity at its most exaggerated. It's no wonder he is a favorite for many loyal fans.

25. 3 AM Feedings

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Patrick's favorite thing to do is eat. Where? The Krusty Krab, of course! Hrm, all of the sudden I'm in the mood for McDonalds. Like Patrick, I'm there pretty much every night at 3 AM.

26. Pat-ricia

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Patrick's universal allure when dressed in drag isn't all that surprising upon reflection. What's more attractive to a guy than the female version of himself? Chalk it up to that male ego, I suppose. Anyway, Patrick's female counterpart is just one more instance of gender-bending fun in this iconic cartoon.

29. The Dynamic Duo

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The dynamic here is very telling. Spongebob and Patrick's relationship has been under scrutiny for as long as the show has been around. There's nothing to suggest that anything untoward is happening in the background, but the chatter persists. Scenes like this one play on that gossip and simultaneously shut it down.

Patrick and Spongebob only really fight when they are pitted against one another by outside forces. Gossip can be a detriment to even the strongest bond. These two must exist outside of those influences for their relationship to work. Society, then, is their biggest enemy. Don't try and put these guys in a box, because you just can't. They are utterly singular creatures, and cannot be pigeonholed to fit into any particular agenda. The moment they realize this about themselves is when they are able to resume being friends.

30. Spongebob Squarepants

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Finally, we come to our hero. Spongebob stands out in many ways for me, as an adult. His blatant femininity is often ridiculed, but his demeanor altogether transcends gender and sexuality lines. He represents not homosexuality or femininity, but an innocence that exists free of any such labels. Spongebob is a character untouched by the dictations of society, uncategorized, and completely outside of the box. If he is overtly feminine, it is because he sees no wrong in tapping into all parts of himself.

He, like a child, just wants to have fun, regardless of societal mandates about how he can or should do so. He is perpetually enrolled in school to further iterate this innocence. He works in a fast food restaurant because he is fueled by passion, not by money. He possesses a childlike reverence for the simplest things in life.

This is why I love Spongebob, and this, I would argue, is why the show has remained on the air for so many years. I think we're all a little envious of his unapologetic -- yet wholly selfless -- lifestyle.

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