29 Things France Would Miss About Britain If It Quit The EU

    Don't leave. You have so much still to teach us.

    1. The profound dignity of your national traditions.

    2. The ancient solemnity of your legal system.

    Someone's turned up to court in a giant, stained rabbit onesie... One way to get out of jury service I suppose

    3. The quiet respect you show your royal family.

    4. Your uncorruptible public officials, who are committed to upholding the rule of law.

    5. Your sophisticated cuisine...

    6. With high-class dining establishments to be found on every high street.

    7. Your bold willingness to iterate on French cuisine, which we are totally fine with.

    8. Your cosy country pubs, for which there is no real equivalent in France.

    9. Your media's peerless coverage of major events, which brings the whole nation together at times of national importance.

    10. Your newspapers, which unlike our timid press, dare to speak truth to power.

    11. Your tabloid press, which does not shirk from telling the stories that matter.

    12. And your broadsheet columnists, whose provocative opinions help shape the national conversation.

    13. Your high-quality television, which is the envy of the world.

    14. Not forgetting BBC News, the kind of serious, heavyweight national institution we would kill to have.

    15. The populace is well informed, which means there's always healthy and vigorous debate around key policy issues.

    16. Meanwhile, within parliament, MPS focus their energies only on the issues that truly affect people.

    17. Your qualities of seemliness and emotional reserve, which we hot-blooded French would do well to imitate.

    18. A "safety first" mentality informs all areas of public life, setting an example to other, less law-abiding European nations.

    19. Your great cities, with their acres of green space, so unlike our own over-crowded metropolises.

    If you want an image of London imagine a terrapin riding a dead fox in the Regents canal, forever.

    20. Your political leaders, who exude gravitas on the world stage.

    21. Your tradition of measured, informed dissent.

    22. Unlike us, you don't protest at the drop of a hat. So when you do, it's all the more powerful.

    23. We complain all over the time about trivial things, whereas British people only get worked up about genuinely important stuff.

    24. You have good manners, too. Brits are known all around the world for being unfailingly polite.

    25. British men are fundamentally more chivalrous than their French counterparts.

    26. Which makes for a mature, respectful dating culture.

    27. Your famous "Blitz spirit", which ensures you remain steadfast in the face of tragic events.

    28. Your deeply ingrained notions of social justice and fair dealing.

    29. And, above all, your inexhaustible zest for life.